Most of us will never command soldiers through a war zone or spend our days searching for hidden roadside bombs. But we all know what it feels like to carry responsibilities that seem heavier than we can bear. Whether you’re leading a family through a crisis, making difficult decisions at work, or simply trying to stay faithful in a stressful season, pressure has a way of revealing where you place your trust.

In this gripping episode of our new series, Performing Under Pressure, Shay Roush, M.Div., sits down with Vince Bentinganan, a retired Army lieutenant colonel and former Commander of Bravo Company, 110th Engineer Battalion, to hear about the realities of searching for improvised explosive devices (IEDs) during Operation Iraqi Freedom, in a hostile environment with brutal physical, mental, and spiritual conditions.

As they reflect on their 20-year friendship, Vince shares openly about the stress of combat, the weight of leadership, and the spiritual disciplines that kept him grounded during deployment. It turns out that things like prayer, godly friendships, connection, and encouragement are helpful even in one of the most dangerous environments imaginable.

Whether you’re navigating a season of overwhelming responsibility or simply wondering how to remain steady when life feels scary or uncertain, Vince’s story of faith under fire offers timeless wisdom and abundant hope.

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Highlights from this Interview

Shay: We’re interviewing people in high-stress professions to learn how they manage stress and what they discover about themselves in the process. Today I have the opportunity to interview a good friend of mine, Vince Bentinganan.

Vince: Thank you for having me. It’s an honor to be here. When you asked me six weeks ago while we were in Greece, I was both nervous and excited, and I still am! We’re recording this on the heels of celebrating America’s 250th birthday, and at the same time, I’m now 20 years removed from my deployment to Iraq in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Shay: We’re so glad to have you. Today you work for the American Red Cross and travel around the country when disasters strike. But we first met in 2002, when The Crossing was still a church plant meeting at a local high school.

You introduced yourself and told me you were heading to Iraq. You asked if we could email each other while you were deployed. I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into, but I wanted to support someone going off to war. That’s how our friendship began. Tell us what led you to join the National Guard and eventually serve in Iraq.

Vince: After my freshman year at the University of Missouri, I wasn’t doing well. I was hanging out with my buddies and making poor decisions. My best friend, John—who later retired as an Army helicopter pilot and lieutenant colonel—pulled me aside and said, “You need to get back on track. Join the Army National Guard and go to basic training.” I enlisted that same day, went to basic training that summer, and served for 29 years.

Shay: I’m thankful your friend stepped in and gave you that direction. How long had you been in the National Guard before deploying?

Vince: I enlisted in 1990 and deployed in 2005, so I’d already served 15 years. The first ten years were as an enlisted soldier, and the next nineteen were as an officer. I eventually retired as a lieutenant colonel, but during my deployment I was an Army captain.

When I asked you to pray for me, I was leaving my wife, Amy, and our two young boys back at home. Grant was almost five, and Evan was three and a half. We wanted Amy and the boys to find a church home and have a strong community around them while I was gone.

Shay: So Iraq was your first experience in a war zone. What was your role there?

Vince: I was an Army captain and combat engineer officer, commanding Bravo Company, 110th Engineer Battalion. I had 127 soldiers under my command, and they were the best group of soldiers I’ve ever served with. It was the pinnacle of my military career.

Our primary mission was route clearance—finding IEDs before U.S. and coalition forces or Iraqi civilians encountered them. We also provided convoy security across Iraq, from the south all the way north to Mosul, helping protect military supply runs and supporting Iraqi law enforcement. The conditions were brutal. Temperatures reached 110 to 120 degrees. We carried about 35 pounds of gear, ammunition, body armor, and water, riding in vehicles with no air conditioning.

Our route clearance missions were slow and deliberate. We’d move about five miles an hour, scanning for anything that looked out of place, like a patch of dirt that hadn’t been there before, or trash covering part of the road. If we found a suspected IED, we’d establish security and call in the Explosive Ordnance Disposal team to safely destroy it.

Shay: I remember reading your emails while sitting in my comfortable office in Columbia, Missouri, and thinking, Vince, we are living in two completely different worlds. You were leading the soldiers finding these roadside bombs. What did that responsibility look like?

Vince: I commanded four platoons, each led by a lieutenant and platoon sergeant. I truly believe I had the best group of leaders in Iraq. They led from the front, they were courageous, and they made my job much easier. Our missions ran around the clock. Whether it was two in the afternoon or two in the morning, we had three or four route clearance missions happening every day.

In addition, we had another mission called route sanitation. Iraq’s main supply routes were covered with trash and debris, creating places where roadside bombs could be hidden. One of my platoons operated up-armored bulldozers, graders, and scrapers to clear the shoulders and medians while the rest of us provided security. Those two missions worked hand in hand, and at the time we were one of the few companies in Iraq doing that type of work.

Shay: How often would you actually find IEDs? And were there times when your company came under direct fire?

Vince: During our 360 days on the ground, the three route clearance companies in our battalion cleared more than 950 roadside bombs. At the time, that was remarkable. Other battalions, brigades, and divisions relied heavily on the 110th Engineer Battalion because we provided safe passage for infantry units, logistics convoys, and so many other critical missions throughout Iraq.

Shay: Were there times when tragedy struck?

Vince: Several soldiers in my company suffered minor injuries, but God kept his hand on us. I can’t explain why other companies lost soldiers while Bravo Company did not.

Shay: That’s incredible. As we’ve been interviewing people for this series, everyone experiences stress in their profession. But I’m not sure I could interview someone who carried more pressure than you did. And as I look at you, I can see this still isn’t easy to talk about. Thank you for being willing to share. So let me ask you, how did you get through the stress?

Vince: There was a level of stress that I simply don’t experience today, even working for the American Red Cross. Over the course of that year, we experienced close to four dozen IED strikes on vehicles. I witnessed several of them firsthand. Sometimes my soldiers were in those vehicles. One time my own vehicle was hit.

The radio traffic would erupt into chaos. Insurgents often followed the explosion with small-arms fire, and our gunners would return fire from the turrets. It was incredibly chaotic. I think it all comes back to our training. We learned to remain calm, trust our training, and follow protocol.

Shay: How did you process all of this? Were there chaplains there with you? Were there people you could talk to when you came back to camp to help deal with the stress?

Vince: It’s incredibly important for men to have other men of faith to talk to. I had two men at the time. One was my boss, Colonel Mitch Passini. He was a man of faith, and we’d have daily conversations about our mission, how things were going, and the welfare of our soldiers. He loved and cared for soldiers, and he was a great example for the four company commanders he led, including me.

Then there was Chaplain Philip Pringle. I was 35 at the time, and he was in his mid-50s, so about my age now. He was like a father figure to me during my time in Iraq. He and I spent a lot of time talking through what was going on in my soldiers’ lives back home, because that affected their mental state. We wanted soldiers going on missions with clear minds.

Once we left the safety of the base, the younger soldiers were rocking out to AC/DC and Metallica, getting psyched up for the mission. But once we got onto the main supply route looking for IEDs, the music went off. In my mind, I prayed a lot during those missions, and that was one of the biggest things that relieved my stress. When we got back to base, it was about taking care of yourself. I was reading, praying, working out when I could, and trying to eat as healthy as I could.

And honestly, Shay, communicating with you was extremely helpful. Knowing that Amy and the boys were plugged into The Crossing brought comfort. You emailed me, sent care packages, and encouraged me. I still remember the email where you said, “We live in two different worlds.” I remember thinking, That’s exactly right. I saved all those emails. I haven’t looked at them in years, but they meant a great deal to me. They were really the beginning of the friendship we’ve had now for over 20 years.

Shay: It’s been a gift to watch our friendship grow. You’ve led a small group at our church, you’ve been in my men’s group for years, and you and Amy have been an encouragement to Lynn and me.

As I listen to you, I’m realizing there was another level of leadership you were carrying. Families were grieving, parents were dying, children were sick. You were helping your men navigate all of that while leading them through combat.

Vince: Looking back, I tried to stay within my role as the company commander. Spiritually, I wanted to encourage my soldiers, but I also wanted to let the chaplain fulfill his role. Late in the deployment, after I’d helped many soldiers through Red Cross notifications, I received one of my own. My father was dying. My commander, Colonel Passini, gave me ten days of leave so I could come home for my dad’s funeral. I was grateful I could be there with my family before returning to Iraq.

Shay: Just to summarize what got you through the stress. You mentioned prayer, talking to godly men, relationships in general, exercise, eating well, and your faith. My guess is, your view of God became incredibly important during that time.

Vince: It absolutely did. When you and I first met, Shay, and you prayed for me before I deployed, that’s exactly what you told me—that God was sovereign over my life. It was really the first time I’d heard that phrase. That truth has stayed with me. It’s shaped how I handle stress today. I’m certainly not perfect at it, but those lessons have carried into every season of life.

Shay: They really have. After you retired from the National Guard, you worked as a loan officer in a very demanding role. Today you’re with the American Red Cross, responding to disasters around the country. It seems like you’re still relying on many of those same lessons you learned in Iraq.

Let me ask you one final question. Someday, when you’re old and gray and you look back on your life, what do you hope your legacy will be?

Vince: That’s a great, thought-provoking question. I’m glad you sent it to me ahead of time because it gave me time to pray and reflect. The verse that comes to mind is 2 Timothy 4:7: “I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.” That sums up the legacy I’d like to leave: having God-centered relationships, believing the truth of Christ, and helping others do the same.

Shay: Vince, thank you for your service to our country, but even more, thank you for your friendship over the last 20 years. And thank you for sharing your story with us.

Vince: Thank you, Shay, for giving me this opportunity. What means the most to me is that this isn’t just my story, it gives me the opportunity to tell the story of my soldiers. That’s really how I viewed this interview from the moment you asked me to do it. I appreciate your friendship. I love you, man.

Shay: I love you too. Guys don’t say that enough to each other!

Some job stress is obvious: a trauma surgeon racing against the clock; a firefighter responding to an emergency; a CEO making decisions that affect hundreds of employees. Other job stress is harder to see but just as real: a teacher trying to reach a struggling student; a parent caring for young children; an employee trying to do good work while navigating high expectations. That’s why we’re launching our brand-new series, Performing Under Pressure.

Over the next few weeks, we’ll sit down with people from a variety of professions to discuss the unique pressures they face, how they manage stress, and the ways their faith in Jesus shapes their work. If it’s a career that’s similar to yours, you’ll feel encouraged to keep going. If not, you’ll gain understanding and insight into the different pressures people face. As it says in Galatians 6:2, “Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

Our first guest is Caroline Vandervoort, an emergency room nurse at University Hospital in Columbia, Missouri. In this enlightening conversation with Austin Conner, PLPC, Caroline shares what it’s like to work in the trauma bay, care for patients on the hardest day of their lives, receive criticism without becoming cynical, and battle compassion fatigue by relying on God’s strength.

Whether you work in healthcare or not, we think you’ll see yourself in Caroline’s story. Because ultimately, this episode isn’t just about emergency medicine. It’s about remaining compassionate under pressure, pursuing excellence without losing your soul, and discovering that Jesus is present even in trauma and chaos.

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Highlights from this Interview

Austin: Today I have the privilege of interviewing Caroline Vandervoort. Caroline is an ER nurse at University Hospital in Columbia, MO.

I first met Caroline in my final year of directing The Crossing’s college ministry. She was a freshman who agreed to join a book study through an insanely long New Testament Commentary, and she held her own! I was immediately impressed by her desire to learn and grow. I moved on to grad school and began counseling, but I always saw her around—most recently at the DMV of all places!

When we met up to plan this episode, I was stunned speechless, not only at hearing about what she goes through in her job on a week-to-week basis, but how she handles it and the mature perspective she brings to her job.

Caroline, say hello to our audience and tell them a little bit about yourself. What is your current role and how did you end up there?

Caroline: I’m excited to be here. Thank you for inviting me! I am from St. Louis originally and attended Brentwood High School. It’s a small high school; there were only about 55 kids in my grade. After I graduated high school, I came to Mizzou and graduated December of 2021. I started my career as a nurse straight off in the ER, which I didn’t think I was going to do.

But the Lord directed me to that path. I thought I was going to do labor and delivery or pediatrics. That was kind of more my speed. It turns out that I have a heart for the variety and the chaos and the level of critical care you get with the ER.

Austin: Tell us more about how you ended up there.

Caroline: When I was in college, I was working as a tech on the family medicine floor, and then I went to the float pool for a few years after that. And then my last semester, we did a practicum where we spend 180 hours in one unit. I had put my preference for the ICU and then put ER second, but I was just praying through wherever the Lord had me. I ended up in the ER for that whole semester, and I loved it so much.

There are many challenges: starting IVs, intubating people, seeing seizure activity even if that’s not what the patient came in for—they suddenly start seizing and you’re thrust right into it and have to run and get the Ativan and all the things.

There are times when you have to wrangle really combative, violent patients that are brought in by law enforcement. You’re putting restraints on people and just trying to survive as a young nurse. It feels like major imposter syndrome, like all this weight and burden on me right away to be able to have all these skills and take care of these patients that I don’t really know how to.

Austin: What have been some of the upsides of being an ER nurse?

Caroline: One of the upsides has been all the interpersonal skills that I’ve learned in terms of interacting and meeting people where they are and with what they need. Being everything to all people. It can be hard, but I think that has blessed me in all areas of my life.

It’s amazing the diversity and different socioeconomic statuses and the kinds of people that you see. I felt like I lived in a bubble for so long with people my age and my socioeconomic status. In the ER, my eyes were opened to the wide array of people that live here and the various struggles they have. You’re meeting them at the most vulnerable place and one of the hardest days of their life sometimes.

Austin: Can you share some of the specific pressures of being an ER nurse?

Caroline: I think a lot of people probably don’t realize how many things can be on a nurse’s to-do list at any given moment. Especially when you’re caring for four or five patients at a time, people are constantly moving in and out. You’re discharging patients, getting new ones, sending off labs, starting IVs, giving medications, charting assessments, and handling all these other tasks.

And then you’re also the person everyone comes to. You’re the middleman for everything. The doctors are talking to you, the radiologists are talking to you, the charge nurse is asking questions, and family members need updates. You have to know the big picture of what’s going on with each patient, but also all the details. If someone needs a blood transfusion or another treatment, you need to know exactly how much, where it’s going, and why.

You might have three different doctors asking you questions, and then after all that, you have to make sure everything gets done correctly. And that’s just one patient. Then you have three or four more patients you’re responsible for...and suddenly five more come through the door.

Austin: What part of your job has the most pressure?

Caroline: The trauma bay, where there is the most stress and the details really matter. Trauma surgeons will yell at you if you do something one second too late. There’s a strict protocol: the head nurse delegates the care; the float nurse takes blood pressure and establishes IV access…there are so many bodies, so much happening at once.

Austin: That’s a lot! How have you learned to manage or handle that pressure?

Caroline: The more you do it, the easier it gets. You have to go through discomfort to gain your confidence. In the beginning I would be able to rally—I would meet a friend for drinks and spend time with the church community. But the chronic stress of work made me feel like I needed to collapse and not talk to anyone. Now, on my days off, I recharge with exercise, clean eating, good sleep, and spending time in the Word.

Austin: How do you handle all the hardships and trauma that you encounter?

Caroline: I don’t want to be flippant and hardened and cold to peoples’ pain and situations. Some patients belittle me and that hits me to the core. If they said I was incompetent, this would stay with me and affect the rest of my day. Instead, I remind myself: “I am secure in who I am. I know I’m a great nurse. I know that I do a great job.” I pray for people when I’m tempted to lash back out at them.

I was having such a bad morning, and when I went to a patient’s room, she belittled my ability and character. I left the room crying. But then went back in there and killed her with kindness. I stood up for myself but did it with a tone of kindness and it diffused the situation. She apologized and was repentant.

I had a patient a few months ago who left against medical advice. He had a look of disdain and disgust and spoke horribly to me. Then I had another patient who was difficult. I was pulled in many directions and started to have compassion fatigue. I went to a supply closet and started crying to God. “Why would you give me this today? I can’t deal with this.” I wasn’t feeling the presence of the Lord.

All of these feelings won’t kill me. But I had to process them. I reached out to small group leader. She reminded me it’s ok to sit with all of these feelings. That gave me a lot of hope and shifted my perspective. I shared this experience with my community group as well. Now when I’m in that closet crying, I picture Jesus saying, “That is my daughter fighting for me in the kingdom.” Anything that causes me to look more like Jesus I will gladly bear.

Austin: Where and how has your faith informed your role as a nurse?

Caroline: Sometimes it seems like the work we’re doing is pointless; it feels like a band-aid on a bullet wound; the problems are so complex and I’m working in a system where we slap on quick fixes on things sometimes.

I tell myself I’ll do my job with excellence and integrity even when it’s easy to cut corners. If no one else sees me cut corners, Jesus would. I’m working for the Lord, and that informs the integrity of my actions. I try to do things with excellence, but that’s easily overlooked. It would be nice to be recognized more, but mostly I want my patients to feel blessed that I’m their nurse. Even if my boss doesn’t get it, Jesus is pleased.

Austin: What have you learned about Jesus in your role? Where and how have you seen him ministering to you?

Caroline: If you have eyes to see and are aware of his presence, he’ll give you opportunities to be his hands and feet. Who he places before you is so intentional. There are no accidents. There is something to be learned from every situation and you can always bring glory to God. I frequently ask God, “What do you have for me today? Help me to see opportunities and open doors.”

Austin: That’s amazing. Caroline, thank you so much for being on today!

But sometimes real life follows you to the beach.

The struggles, disappointments, and anxieties of life don’t disappear just because you’re on vacation. And what you need most isn’t another escape—it’s wisdom, perspective, and hope for the life you’re actually living.

That’s the thought behind our summer series, Beach Reads for Real Life. Listen in as our hosts share a book that has shaped the way they think about faith, mental health, relationships, suffering, finances, and spiritual growth.

These aren’t just books to help you pass the time. They’re books that can help you navigate real life with greater wisdom, deeper faith, and renewed hope. What will you add to your summer reading list?

Beach Read: “When God Seems Distant”

What if the problem isn’t that God has left you, but that he’s leading you somewhere you never expected to go?

If you’ve ever had the unsettling feeling that God is far away, you’ll want to hear John Tinnin, MFT, share about the book When God Seems Distant: Surprising Ways God Deepens Our Faith and Draws Us Near by & John Coe. It turns out that God often does some of his deepest work in seasons of uncertainty, silence, and longing—times when we can’t rely on feelings and are invited to trust him in new ways.

For anyone who has ever wondered why God feels far away, this book offers both comfort and a different way of understanding the journey.

Listen: When God Seems Distant

Read: When God Seems Distant

Beach Read: “When the Body Says No”

Have you ever wondered if your body knows something that your mind hasn’t caught up to yet?

In this thoughtful episode, Lynn Roush, LPC, explores a fascinating and sometimes controversial question posed by the book When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Gabor Maté. What happens when the need to be loved, accepted, or needed becomes so important that we lose touch with our own limits?

Listen in as Lynn examines where Maté’s insights are helpful, where they may fall short, and how the gospel speaks to our deepest need for love, connection, and healing. You’ll discover that when your life is in God’s hands, you are free to be honest about your wounds because your worth is already secure in Christ.

Listen: When the Body Says No

Read: When the Body Says No

Beach Read: “The Next Conversation”

Most of us don’t wake up intending to say the wrong thing, yet we’ve all replayed conversations in our heads, wishing we’d responded with more wisdom, more clarity, or fewer words. Healthy communication is a skill we all need to practice, because even one conversation can strengthen a relationship or start to unravel it.

That’s why Austin Conner, PLPC, chose The Next Conversation: Argue Less and Talk More by Jefferson Fisher. Rather than offering vague advice to “communicate better,” Fisher gives practical tools you can start using immediately. Drawing from his experience as a trial lawyer, he shows how communication skills can dramatically improve our communication and relationships.

Listen: The Next Conversation

Read: The Next Conversation

Beach Read: “The Psychology of Money”

Many of us spend our lives chasing “just a little more”, assuming that the next raise, investment, or financial milestone will finally bring contentment. Yet some people with modest incomes build lasting wealth, while others who earn millions end up anxious and always wanting more. What makes the difference?

In this stirring conclusion to our series, Shay Roush, M.Div., takes a look at The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel. As Shay explains three principles from Housel’s book, you’ll discover that your relationship with money isn’t just about dollars and cents. It’s about contentment instead of comparison, freedom instead of appearance, and faithfulness instead of instant results.

Listen: The Psychology of Money

Read: The Psychology of Money

Many of us spend our lives chasing “just a little more”, assuming that the next raise, investment, or financial milestone will finally bring contentment. Yet some people with modest incomes build lasting wealth, while others who earn millions end up anxious and always wanting more. Maybe the problem isn’t our finances at all. Maybe it’s our hearts.

In this stirring conclusion to our Beach Reads for Real Life series, Shay Roush, M.Div., takes a look at The Psychology of Money by . Despite its title, it’s not really a book about budgeting, investing, or financial formulas. It’s about human behavior.

Housel explores why our emotions, habits, fears, and desires often matter more than financial knowledge itself. His observations are insightful on their own, but they become even more powerful when viewed through the lens of Scripture. Again and again, his money lessons reveal themselves to be discipleship lessons.

As Shay explains three principles from Housel’s book, you’ll discover that your relationship with money is rarely just about dollars and cents. It’s about contentment instead of comparison, freedom instead of appearance, and faithfulness instead of instant results. Ultimately, money is not only a reflection of what you believe about God, but an invitation to trust him to provide.

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Highlights from this Episode

As we conclude our Beach Reads summer series, I want to share a book I read on vacation a couple of years ago that’s stayed with me ever since. It still shows up in airport bookstores because it’s been on the bestseller list for years. It’s called The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel, and I highly recommend it.

Now, money might not be what you expect from WYITW. We usually talk about anxiety, grief, marriage, trauma, and emotions. But here’s the thing: Jesus talked about money constantly; more than heaven, more than hell, more than almost anything else. There are parables about talents, the rich fool and his barns, the widow giving her last two coins. If money mattered enough for Jesus to keep coming back to it, it’s worth spending a few minutes talking about too.

The book isn’t really about finance. There’s almost no math. It’s a book about behavior: why smart people do dumb things with money, why people who never made six figures become wealthy, and why people who make millions sometimes end up broke. Housel’s basic argument is that doing well with money has far less to do with what you know than with how you behave.

As I read it, I kept thinking, These aren’t just finance principles, they’re discipleship principles.

I want to walk you through three of the biggest ideas in the book, hold them up against Scripture, and see what they can teach us about our souls. Because our relationship with money is rarely just about money. It’s about fear, identity, power, control, and whether or not we trust God.

Why Enough Never Feels Like Enough

The first big idea is the principle of having enough.

Housel tells the story of hedge fund manager Rajat Gupta. Here’s a man who had already made millions. Yet because it still wasn’t enough, he illegally traded on insider information trying to make even more, and he went to prison. That’s because the hardest financial skill is to stop moving the goalposts.

Modern capitalism is built to make us feel like we never have enough. Advertising constantly tells us we need the next thing. Once we reach one financial goal, we immediately create another. We compare ourselves to someone with more, take unnecessary risks, and often end up worse off than when we started.

If you’re a Christian, none of this is new. Solomon, one of the wealthiest people who ever lived, wrote in Ecclesiastes, “Whoever loves money never has enough.” The problem isn’t having money; it’s loving money. Three thousand years before a hedge fund manager went to prison, Solomon had already diagnosed the disease.

Where I’d push a little further than Housel is in asking why we never have enough. He’s a finance writer, not a theologian, but Scripture answers that question. We were created for Eden, for a world without scarcity, fear, or comparison. Now we live east of Eden. The ache for ‘enough’ that never gets satisfied by our bank account is ultimately an ache for God. Augustine said, “Our hearts are restless until they find rest in him.” I think our wallets are restless for the same reason.

Paul gives us the antidote in 1 Timothy: “Godliness with contentment is great gain.” You brought nothing into the world, and you can take nothing out of it. True contentment isn’t a financial number; it’s a posture of the heart. It’s something you can learn whether you have much or little.

So here’s the question: What’s your number? What amount do you think would finally make you feel secure? And if you reached that number tomorrow, would you actually stop moving the goalposts? Or have you asked your bank account to make you feel safe and secure? Can you get to the place where you say, “I don’t have to keep running on the treadmill of comparison because my life is built on Christ”?

The Freedom Money Can’t Buy

The second big idea is the difference between being rich and being wealthy.

Being rich, Housel says, is visible. It’s income, spending, the nice car, the big house, the vacations you post online. Wealth is invisible. It’s the money you didn’t spend. It’s the gap between what you earn and what you spend. That gap gives you options, freedom, and margin.

Many people who look rich are simply good at spending. The people who are actually financially free often look completely ordinary. Housel tells the story of Ronald Read, a janitor who quietly accumulated about $8 million by living simply and investing patiently. Nobody knew until he died. Housel contrasts that with people making seven figures who still file for bankruptcy because their spending always rises to match their income.

I think this is one of the most spiritually insightful ideas in the book: There’s a difference between looking blessed and actually being free. You can have the house, the car, and the lifestyle and still be financially enslaved and terrified that one bad month will bring everything crashing down. Or you can live an ordinary-looking life with tremendous freedom because you’ve built margin instead of image.

It reminds me of Jesus’ parable of the rich fool in Luke 12. His crops produced so much that he built bigger barns to store everything. Then he said, “Soul, take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry.” And God said, “You fool. This very night your soul is required of you.” The fool was visibly rich, but he wasn’t wealthy in any way that mattered. Everything he valued was stored in barns that couldn’t follow him into eternity.

I think many of us are still building bigger barns. But the size of the barn was never the point. The question is who you’re becoming while you build it. Are you creating margin? Freedom? Generosity? Or are you simply building a bigger container for your fear because you’ve placed your hope in money instead of Christ?

How Lasting Change Really Happens

The third principle is compounding.

Housel spends a lot of time explaining that small, consistent actions repeated over a long period produce extraordinary results. Warren Buffett accumulated most of his wealth after age 65, not because he suddenly became smarter, but because he’d been compounding faithfully for decades.

I think this may be the most spiritually useful idea in the entire book. We all want breakthroughs. We want a miracle. We want instant transformation. But God usually works through compounding. Small, faithful, ordinary obedience repeated over years doesn’t look impressive in the moment. Then one day you look back and barely recognize the person you used to be.

Paul writes in Galatians, “Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” That’s compounding. The maturity you’re praying for, the marriage you’re hoping for, the freedom from old patterns you keep confessing. It usually isn’t one lightning bolt. It’s a thousand faithful Tuesdays that don’t seem to be accomplishing much until suddenly they have.

The Heart Behind Your Money

So let me leave you with three simple takeaways.

1. Name your enough. Decide what ‘enough’ actually looks like so you recognize when the goalposts start moving again.

2. Ask whether you’re building wealth or just looking rich. Pay attention to the gap between what comes in and what goes out. That’s where freedom lives.

3. Trust the compounding. Whatever small, faithful thing you’re doing right now, don’t quit because it doesn’t look impressive yet. It’s doing more than you can see.

Underneath all three of these principles is the most important point: Your money is one of the most honest mirrors of what you actually believe about God. Not what you say you believe, but whether you really believe he’s trustworthy. Whether ‘enough’ is possible this side of heaven.

God often uses money to reveal where we still don’t trust him and to invite us into the contentment Paul describes. Not because we’ve finally reached our ‘number’, but because we’ve finally learned to rest in Jesus.

Recommended Resource

The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel

Most of us don’t wake up intending to say the wrong thing, yet we’ve all replayed conversations in our heads, wishing we’d responded with more wisdom, more clarity, or fewer words. Healthy communication is a skill we all need to practice.

That’s why Austin Conner, PLPC, chose The Next Conversation: Argue Less and Talk More by Jefferson Fisher as his Beach Read for Real Life. Rather than offering vague advice to “communicate better,” Fisher gives practical tools you can start using immediately. Drawing from his experience as a trial lawyer, he shows how communication skills can dramatically change the outcome of our conversations and improve our relationships.

Listen in as Austin explores the timeless wisdom behind Fisher’s ideas through the lens of Scripture. You’ll discover that for Christians, communication isn’t just a personality trait or a professional skill; it’s part of being a disciple. Every conversation becomes an opportunity to pursue peace, practice ‘good works’, and reflect the character of Christ to the people around you.

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Highlights from this Episode

For many of us, summer means taking some time to relax—maybe going to the mountains, maybe to the beach, or just sitting on the porch with a good book.

Today, the book I’m going to recommend for your summer downtime is a called The Next Conversation: Argue Less and Talk More by Jefferson Fisher. This book is worth reading because it clearly and practically connects the dots on how to communicate with others in many scenarios that we all experience, including conflict in the workplace and in relationships.

Jefferson Fisher is a lawyer who rose to prominence after he created a 47-second video on Facebook called “How to Argue like a Lawyer Part 1”. He posted the video and went to bed. He woke up, went to work, and then checked it that night. The views were in the millions.

He realized people were eager to communicate more clearly. But what was missing was the practicalities of how to actually do that. Perhaps you are in the same boat. You know the importance of engaging in healthy, adult conversation with your friends and family. If you’ve got kids, part of your role as a parent is to help them communicate appropriately, with kindness.

Where you might struggle is in the practical aspect of communicating with kindness and wisdom. But it’s worth putting some work into, because our words matter. They can take root in our hearts and minds and have a ripple effect on those around us.

Win Less, Connect More

Fisher has a lot of great, actionable advice in his book, including principles, skills, practices, and strategies. It might seem a bit overwhelming, but stick with me as we go through this together, because it will all come together in the end.

In order to communicate more effectively, Fisher has 3 principles to follow:

1: Never win an argument

This one might take you by surprise, because you’ve always assumed that winning an argument is a good thing. But Fisher says that when you win a point, you often lose the relationship, respect, or trust of the other person. Instead, he advocates for shifting the goal to understanding, by finding common ground, validating the other person, and de-escalating the conversation.

2: Start thinking about the next conversation

When you think about the next conversation, all sorts of pressures lift:

• You don’t HAVE to say everything

• You don’t HAVE to say everything perfectly

• You don’t HAVE to let your initial response be your final response

Instead, when you assume there will be a next conversation, you can be more present with the other person. You have a better ability to listen and summarize what the person is saying, rather than half-listening to them while you formulate your next response.

3: Connection over transmission

Transmission is simply saying something without regard for the other party. It’s a one-way street. But connection keeps the other person(s) in mind. Connection is a pretty broad term, but Fisher narrows it down and defines it as “a word for understanding and acknowledgement.” And you have to have both to have true connection.

If you understand but don’t acknowledge that to the other person, you’re not connecting with them. If you acknowledge what the other person is saying but don’t understand it, you’re not connecting with them. Instead, you should acknowledge and seek to understand; keep in mind, this doesn’t mean you have to agree.

Three Skills that Change Conversations

1. Learn to control yourself. People are going to say things that make you feel angry, frustrated, sad, anxious, annoyed, and hurt. When that happens, you go into fight or flight mode, and your thinking brain goes offline.

To mitigate this, Fisher explains the importance of making your first word your breath. Take a deep breath in and a deep breath out. He says, “When you’re triggered you’re either going to speed up or lock up. But those initial two seconds get your breathing back under control.”

2. Say things with confidence. There are 2 ways to do this: use your assertive voice and manage difficult people well.

How do you use your assertive voice? Fisher offers 3 simple practices that can make a surprisingly big difference.

• Remember that every word matters. Instead of saying, “I just wanted to touch base on the outline,” simply say, “I wanted to touch base on the outline.” Instead of, “I’m sort of wondering if I should ask the team,” say, “I’ll ask the team.” Extra qualifiers like just, sort of, and maybe weaken your message. Saying things directly doesn’t make you rude; it makes you clear.

• Prove your assertiveness to yourself. One of Fisher’s best suggestions is to state your next step out loud and then follow through. Say, “I’m moving forward from this conversation.” “I’m setting a reminder.” Every time you do what you said you were going to do, you strengthen your own sense of agency.

• Express your needs unapologetically. In counseling, I’ve found this to be one of the hardest skills for people to develop, but it’s also one of the most transformative. Practice beginning sentences with, “I need.” “I need a moment.” “I need to speak with you.” “I need your help.” Those words may feel uncomfortable at first, but they’re healthy.

You also need to know what to do when someone crosses the line by insulting you, belittling you, or behaving disrespectfully. These 4 strategies will help you handle it well:

• Deflect or ignore it. Don’t give the other person a dopamine hit by reacting.

• Give it a long pause. Allow their words to echo back to them.

• Slowly repeat their words. Make sure they hear what they just said.

• Ask a question of outcome. This type of question seeks to highlight and project the reaction that they tried to elicit. For example, “Did you want that to hurt?” or “Did you want that to embarrass me?” These questions will help the difficult person see the foolishness of their statements so they can make changes and even apologize.

3. Say it to connect. Throughout the book, Fisher reminds us that great conversations begin with great listening. Most of us listen to respond. Instead, he encourages us to listen to learn by reflecting back what we heard: “So you felt overlooked when that decision was made. Did I get that right?”

Another recurring theme is the importance of validating emotions without immediately judging or correcting them. A phrase like, “I can see why that would be frustrating,” communicates empathy and helps people feel heard. Fisher also recommends expressing your own perspective with statements like, “I felt... when... because...” so you can be honest without attacking the other person.

Finally, Fisher emphasizes that connection is shaped not only by what we say, but by how and where we say it. Because meaningful conversations depend on presence, he recommends having important discussions face-to-face whenever possible.

Communication as Discipleship

In Matthew 5:9, Jesus says, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” Practicing the strategies, habits, and principles in this book can be a tangible way you can “be a peacemaker.” Rather than stir up strife, or continue a conflict, make peace with those around you.

In Ephesians 2:10, Paul says, “We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand for us to do.” Communicating with wisdom and intentionality can be a form of ‘good works’ that God wants you to do.

When you learn how to communicate calmly, clearly, and with kindness, you are being a peacemaker and practicing good works. You are cooperating with the ways God is at work in the world around you. So as you lay on a beach, a couch, or a porch this summer, consider picking up The Next Conversation: Argue Less and Talk More.

Recommended Resource

The Next Conversation: Argue Less and Talk More by Jefferson Fisher

Maybe you’ve always thought of stress as an emotional experience; something that affects your mood, your thoughts, or your relationships. But what if stress has a profound effect on your body? And what if that stress started when you felt like you couldn’t say no?

In this next episode of our summer series, Beach Reads for Real Life, Lynn explores a fascinating and sometimes controversial question posed by the book When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Gabor Maté. What happens when the need to be loved, accepted, or needed becomes so important that we lose touch with our own limits?

You’ll be challenged to consider the ways your life experiences, coping strategies, and emotional patterns have shaped your physical health. At the same time, Christians need a framework that goes beyond psychology alone. Scripture reminds us that not all suffering is a problem to solve. Some suffering comes from faithfulness, sacrifice, and obedience to Christ.

Listen in as Lynn examines where Maté’s insights are helpful, where they may fall short, and how the gospel speaks to our deepest need for love, connection, and healing. You’ll discover that when your life is in God’s hands, you are free to be honest about your wounds because your worth is already secure in Christ.

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Highlights from This Episode

I was drawn to this book because I am very interested in understanding the connection between stress and disease in our bodies. As a 51-year-old woman who went through menopause at the early age of 40, and as someone who has walked through cancer and autoimmune diagnoses with several friends, I want to become aware of how hidden stress may be impacting my health.

Maté spent decades in family medicine and palliative care and noticed a pattern he couldn’t ignore. Many patients facing devastating diagnoses were remarkably kind, self-sacrificing, and reluctant to complain. He became curious about the connection between emotional patterns and physical illness, and this book is the result of that exploration.

I’ll break this episode into two parts. First, we’ll look at four core principles from the book. Then we’ll evaluate those ideas through the lens of Scripture, because while I think Maté gets a lot right, I also think his framework has limits.

Trading Yourself for Connection

Let’s start at the beginning. Do you remember the first time your body said no? Probably not. But from the moment you were born, your body was communicating your needs. Before you had words, it signaled when you were hungry, tired, frightened, frustrated, or in distress. Eventually, many of us learned to say “no” with our words, not just our bodies.

But what happens when a child’s no is upsetting to their caregiver? Every child needs limits, but if your family environment was uncomfortable with your thoughts, feelings, needs, or individuality—and if you never felt permission to say no and still be loved—you may carry that pattern into adulthood. Maté argues that when we learn to suppress ourselves in order to maintain connection, our bodies may eventually begin saying no for us.

Maté postulates that when we subconsciously learn the protective mechanism of repressing our feelings in order to keep connection with our parents, and we forfeit our ability to say no when we can or should, our bodies may end up saying it for us. In his practice as a medical coordinator of the palliative care unit at Vancouver Hospital, he found that almost none of his patients with a serious disease had learned to say no as an adult.

He observed that when children learn to subjugate their own wants or needs for the sake of maintaining connection with a parent, that that is the precursor for many autoimmune diseases, including MS, chronic fatigue syndrome, autoimmune disorders, migraines, endometriosis, and other conditions.

The Hidden Cost of Being Nice

Here are 4 principles that will help you understand your mind/body connection:

Principle #1: Your body and your emotions are not separate systems. Maté argues that Western medicine often treats the body and mind as separate systems. But the field of psychoneuroimmunology suggests that distinction is artificial. Your nervous system, immune system, hormones, and emotional life function as an interconnected whole. Chronic stress can influence inflammation, immune function, and disease processes throughout the body.

Principle #2: Overriding your emotions teaches your nervous system that connection is more important than authenticity. Maté calls this emotional repression. It’s rarely a conscious choice. In childhood, we learn that certain emotions feel unsafe—that anger isn’t welcome, sadness is too much, or our needs make others uncomfortable. So we adapt. We become easygoing, compliant, and self-sufficient because maintaining connection feels essential for survival.

The problem is that difficult emotions don’t simply disappear. According to Maté, they often show up later through stress-related symptoms, fueled by an erroneous set of beliefs that run in the background and shape our feelings and decisions:

• Belief #1: “I have to be strong.” The only safe posture is being constantly capable.

• Belief #2: “It’s not right for me to be angry.” It turns inward and becomes self-criticism.

• Belief #3: “I’m responsible for the whole world.” You feel the need to fix things for everyone.

• Belief #4: “I should be able to handle anything.” Asking for help feels like weakness.

• Belief #5: “I must justify my existence.” Your worth has to be earned.

Principle #3: The nicest people get the diagnosis. Maté noticed a common profile among many patients with autoimmune disease, chronic fatigue, migraines, and certain cancers. They were often caretakers, people-pleasers, and highly responsible individuals who struggled to acknowledge their own needs.

While these patterns often show up in women, men are frequently taught that emotional stoicism is strength and vulnerability is weakness. Chronic stress affects both sexes, contributing to cardiovascular disease, digestive issues, sleep disruption, and other health problems over time.

Principle #4: Your symptoms are questions that your body is trying to ask. Most people seeking counseling are looking for symptom reduction. They want to feel less sad, less anxious, less depressed, less angry, less upset. But Maté reframes symptoms. They’re not malfunctions that need to be silenced, they’re communications that need to be heard. He encourages questions like: Where have I been overriding myself? What am I afraid would happen if I fully expressed my feelings? Why is my body saying no?

Looking at Maté Through a Biblical Lens

I recently returned from a trip retracing parts of Paul’s missionary journeys, including a visit to the Mamertine prison where he was likely held before his execution. Standing in that dark, cold, underground prison cell, history suddenly felt very real. And it highlighted where Maté’s framework and the biblical framework must be held in tension.

Paul did not end up in prison because he lacked boundaries, ignored unresolved emotions, or failed to listen to his body. He suffered because he was faithfully following Christ. If Paul only listened to his body, he could have abandoned his mission and preserved his life. Yet his priorities had changed completely after his encounter with Jesus. In the book of Philippians, a letter that he wrote from captivity, he says:

Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. And because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear.

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

Paul saying yes to God came at great sacrifice emotionally, mentally, and physically. Here’s where I hesitate to wholeheartedly embrace Maté’s message because there is an interpretation of it that implies that if you are sick or suffering, it’s because your parents didn’t let you express your emotions. Or if you have an autoimmune disease, it is because you said yes when you should have said no.

While I think there is real truth in some of the patterns that he describes, if we take that to its logical extreme, there’s no room for Paul to be in that Roman prison, let alone for Christ to empty himself out as an offering because of his great love for us. There’s no room for anyone who has ever suffered, not because they abandoned their emotions, but because they were faithful and obedient to Christ.

There is a difference between suffering that you endure because of faithfulness to Christ and suffering you endure because you were taught that you could never say no. The suffering that Paul describes is not a symptom. It is a calling. Paul doesn’t want the Philippian church to lose heart over his suffering, because it is meaningful.

God’s unconditional love received over and over, not just believed as a doctrine, but felt in our souls and in our bodies, speaks to the nervous system’s deepest desire to be known and to be loved. Maté can name the wound, but the gospel can heal it because being connected to Christ is your protection, not just in this life, but in the life to come.

Three Ways to Listen Well

These takeaways will help you move forward with more clarity:

Takeaway #1: Notice your body as a messenger, not as an inconvenience. When you notice recurring tension, headaches, fatigue, or other physical symptoms, get curious before immediately pushing through. Ask yourself what your body may be communicating. Caring for your body includes paying attention to what it may be trying to tell you.

Takeaway #2: Distinguish between spirit-led sacrifice and self-betrayal dressed up as sacrifice. This is a hard one because they can look almost identical from the outside. Paul’s suffering in chains is purposeful, spirit-led, and held inside a clear sense of his calling. But self-betrayal masquerading as sacrifice is driven by fear. Fear of conflict, fear of losing relationship, fear of rejection. One of them flows from a secure identity and the other one flows from insecurity. Ask yourself, Am I serving or giving from abundance or am I doing this because I just need to be needed?

Takeaway #3: Learn about emotional honesty from the Psalms. The Bible never encourages emotional denial. There are psalms of deep lament that invite you to bring your grief, anger, fear, and confusion directly to God rather than suppressing them.

I don’t want this episode to leave you anxiously auditing every yes you’ve ever given. Ecclesiastes reminds us that our lives are ultimately in God’s hands. Pay attention to the patterns you’ve inherited. Learn to honor your limits. Say no when necessary. But don’t turn that into another attempt to control your future. You can acknowledge your emotions, accept your limitations, and still remain completely dependent on God’s providence. He is the author of your story, and his purposes are being accomplished through both your yeses and your nos.

Recommended Resource

When the Body Says No: The Hidden Cost of Stress by Gabor Maté

Few experiences are more unsettling for a Christian than the feeling that God has become distant. You pray, read Scripture, attend church, and try to stay faithful, yet the warmth and certainty you once felt seem to disappear. When that happens, many of us immediately assume we’ve done something wrong. We begin searching for the mistake, wondering why God feels absent and how we can get back to where we used to be.

In the first episode of our short summer series, Beach Reads for Real Life, listen in as John talks about the book When God Seems Distant: Surprising Ways God Deepens Our Faith and Draws Us Near by & John Coe. The authors challenge the assumption that the Christian life should be a steady climb from one spiritual high to the next. Instead, they show how God often does some of his deepest work in seasons of uncertainty, silence, and longing.

What makes this book so refreshing is its honesty. Rather than offering quick fixes or formulas for getting God back, the authors identify feelings that many believers experience but rarely discuss. They invite you to stop treating your spiritual life like a self-improvement project and begin seeing it as a relationship that grows through vulnerability, dependence, and surrender. If you’ve had times in your life when God feels far away, this book offers both comfort and a different way of understanding the journey.

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Highlights from this Episode

Have you ever felt spiritually dry—and wondered if you were the problem?

Mother Teresa went for some 38 years without feeling the presence of Jesus. She talked with her spiritual advisors and wrote very often about this in her personal journal entries. Here is one journal entry from 1959:

That darkness that surrounds me on all sides — I can’t lift my soul to God — no light or inspiration enters my soul.

She wrote of feeling like a hypocrite and the Roman Catholic church hesitated to publish her personal journals because her expressions of the pain from not feeling Jesus’ love for her were very clear…but she persevered in her faith without feeling close to God.

Among Christians, this kind of painful honesty is rare. We may be afraid to share that we are going through a season of spiritual dryness because we fear what others may think. But this sense of “dryness, wilderness, or spiritual darkness” is something I’ve heard from many of my clients over the years. It’s more common that we realize—and it can be confusing for a Christian.

Perhaps you’ve struggled with this in some form. For example, it’s common to start out as a Christian with excitement and new energy, only to have the experience of it fade. Reading the Bible becomes boring, prayers become empty rehearsals, and so many things are more exciting than spending time with God. You may end up feeling like a spiritual weakling or failure.

The book When God Seems Distant addresses this issue by revealing how spiritual dryness deepens intimacy with God and renews your soul. This book doesn’t offer escapism like a traditional “beach read” does, but presents a very thoughtful map through times when God does not seem or feel present.

If you go to the beach and feel like your Christian faith is lacking, then this book is definitely a “beach read”. I would heartily recommend it as a resource to turn to again and again when spiritual things are flat or God seems nowhere to be found in your life. The authors’ recommendation for dealing with spiritual emptiness may surprise you.

Understanding the Spiritual Desert

What’s the first thing you instinctively think when you feel spiritually dry? You may assume that your spiritual dryness is because of your own personal failure or God withdrawing from you as punishment. In response, you may double down on studying spiritual disciplines and serve more in order to muscle your way back…or engage in self-rejection and get lost in shame.

The book’s core correction to this response is to understand that dry seasons are not evidence of failure—they are part of God’s plan to draw us into a deeper walk with him. Willpower and habit modification cannot fix the spiritual life, because that entirely misses the point of the wilderness.

The authors suggest that God’s movement in our lives takes us into hard places where we learn to rely upon a faith that is sometimes unseen. This gives a nod to the Apostle Paul’s teaching to “walk by faith, not by sight”.

Seasons of the Soul

Have you ever thought of the Christian life as seasons? We repeat these three seasons, in various intensities, throughout our lives:

• Consolation: Feeling God’s nearness and warmth; the spiritual “honeymoon.”

• Desert: Dryness and distance; God feels absent but there is no particular spiritual darkness.

• Desolation: Deeper darkness, disorientation, even the feeling of abandonment.

As Moses cautions the Israelites in Deuteronomy 8:2, “Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.”

God uses these seasons to reveal what’s in our hearts and wean us off needing the feeling of his presence as the basis of faith. When God seems distant, you are not behind. You are not failing. You may be in exactly the right place.

The Sneaky Way We Try to Control God

Can you relate to trying to “fix” your spiritual life the way you’d fix a productivity problem? Self-willed spirituality makes us think we’re drawing near to God when we are actually managing and manipulating him. We may use spiritual formation, disciplines, ministry, or moral behavior to relieve the burden of failure—trying to do in the flesh what only Christ can do.

The authors discuss two ways we try to come back to God after sin:

• When convicted of sin, the first response is “I’ll do better” using your own efforts rather than seeking Christ.

• Instead of bringing failure to God, you cover it through self-rejection rather than uncovering it to the Lord.

The church’s emphasis on spiritual disciplines, while good, has drifted toward an “input/output spirituality”: if you do the right things, you will get the right results. Conflating the Spirit’s work with our own spiritual practices is one of the main mistakes of the Christian journey.

Purpose in the Wilderness

Here’s what God is actually doing during dry spiritual seasons. He is testing your faith and giving you a chance to choose to rely on him even when the “feelings” aren’t there. Picture the Israelites wandering in the wilderness or Jesus fasting in the desert. Scripture shows that God’s people are consistently baffled by how he chooses to lead them through hard times rather than around them—and that’s by design.

God leads us into the wilderness to humble, test, and reveal what is truly in our hearts. God is not absent in the desert. He is working. The question is whether you’ll trust God when you cannot feel him. It’s important to remember: The desert is not a detour. It is the path.

Practical Wisdom for Seasons of Absence

• Stop trying to engineer consolation. Don’t manufacture a spiritual experience to escape the discomfort. Sit with the season.

• Be honest and practice lament. Honesty and lament are not signs of weak belief—they are the very path into deeper encounter with God. Bring what’s real, not what you think you’re supposed to feel.

• Don’t go it alone. The book emphasizes the necessity of guidance and community in difficult seasons: join a small group, find a mentor, or talk with a Christian therapist or trusted friend.

• Resist the moralistic reflex. When you feel the pull to “just do better,” pause. Ask: Am I seeking God, or am I trying to fix myself?

• Inquire rather than escape. The call isn’t to get out of desolation, but to ask: Lord, what does it look like to be faithful and obedient right here, right now?

• Relearn being loved. The final call of the book is not to perform better but to receive—to relearn loving God and being loved by him. This requires the very vulnerability the desert creates.

The wilderness is not where most of us would choose to meet God, yet Scripture and Christian history repeatedly show that it is one of his favorite places to form his people. If you’re walking through a season where God seems distant, this book offers a hopeful reminder: your spiritual dryness does not have the final word.

Rather than seeing these seasons as proof that something is wrong, you may begin to recognize them as invitations into a deeper, more resilient faith. When God Seems Distant provides wisdom, perspective, and encouragement for learning how to trust God’s presence even when you cannot feel it—and that may be one of the most important lessons of the Christian life.

Recommended Resource

When God Seems Distant: Surprising Ways God Deepens Our Faith and Draws Us Near by and John Coe

But after 10 conversations, 10 commands, and 10 keys to the universe, we discovered something unexpected:

The commandments aren’t just rules to follow. They’re a mirror that reveals our hearts, exposes our need, and points us to Jesus.

The many benefits of the commandments include protection, freedom, the restraining of sin, a facilitator of honesty with God, and a clear outline of God’s desire to redeem and restore his creation. When you understand that, you’ll want to follow them!

What’s Your Compass in Life?

In this foundational episode, John and Austin take a fresh look at the Ten Commandments and how they function as a compass for navigating the unpredictable and painful wilderness of life. They’ll explain how the commandments actually protect you, bring real freedom, help move forward what God is doing in the world, and even expose what’s going on in your own heart in a way that leads you back to grace.

And then they’ll land on the most important piece: what Jesus has to do with all of this. Because once you understand how he fulfilled the law, it completely changes how you see the commandments: not as something you have to do, but something you get to do.

Listen: Compass in Life

Read: Compass in Life

Idols of the Heart

In this discerning episode, Lynn and Shay take a look at the first and second commandments and what it looks like to live them out in today’s world. It turns out that idolatry isn’t just an ancient problem. It shows up in the things we rely on for meaning, security, and identity. Whether it’s approval, control, or success, these “functional gods” promise a lot but leave us empty.

Together, the first and second commandments confront the question of who we worship and how—and ultimately point us back to a God who cannot be reduced, replaced, or replicated. Take some time to listen or read along and consider: who or what is at the center of your life?

Listen: Idols of the Heart

Read: Idols of the Heart

The Most Powerful Name in the World

Do you ever think about how you use God’s name? You’ll want to listen in as Shay examines the third commandment to see how it applies to our lives today. You won’t be surprised to find out that it’s still relevant, but you may not be aware of ways in which you break this commandment without realizing it.

When you misuse God’s name, you diminish his power, authority, and the very essence of his being. God’s name isn’t just a meaningless label, but a revelation of his character, faithfulness and covenant love. Speaking God’s name carelessly or flippantly is an offense to his identity: the great I AM.

Listen: Powerful Name

Read: Powerful Name

Are You Too Busy to Rest?

If you stopped working and striving for a full day this week, what do you honestly think would happen? For many of us, that question feels less peaceful than it should. Our schedules are packed, our minds are noisy, and even when we try to rest, we carry the weight of everything left undone.

In this convicting episode, Lynn and Austin take a closer look at the fourth commandment through the lens of the Old Testament and the light of the New Testament. They’ll explore why rest can be so difficult, the way God’s invitation is less about rest and more about trust, and practical ways you can incorporate a Sabbath mindset in your busy life.

Listen: Too Busy to Rest

Read: Too Busy to Rest

Honoring Imperfect Parents

Few commandments feel as personal as the fifth commandment: “Honor your father and your mother.” For some people, that command feels natural and healthy. For others, it raises difficult questions and painful memories.

In this perceptive episode, Lynn and Shay thoughtfully explore the real meaning of the word ‘honor’; what honoring your parents does and doesn’t mean; the importance of healthy boundaries; and practical ways to show honor to your parents in everyday life.

Listen: Honoring Imperfect Parents

Read: Honoring Imperfect Parents

Who Decides the Value of Life?

You’ll want to listen in as Austin and John explore why human life is so sacred and why this commandment matters far beyond physical violence. They explain why God gave this commandment, the obvious and non-obvious ways it can be broken, and what Jesus means when he links anger and contempt to murder itself.

They’ll also step into several difficult and emotionally charged topics, including military service, suicide, and abortion. They thoughtfully engage the real-life complexity, pain, and ethical questions surrounding each one.

Listen: Who Decides Value

Read: Who Decides Value

When Attraction Crosses the Line

In this honest episode, Ryan and Kelley Wampler join Austin to talk about the devastating effects of infidelity, sharing personal stories of how adultery shaped the way they view trust in marriage. Together, they unpack God’s original design for relationships and why intimacy was always meant to flourish within safety, commitment, and covenant love.

From emotional attachment and flirtation to pornography and secret online interactions, there are subtle ways our hearts can drift away from faithfulness. The hosts discuss the role of temptation, the danger of secrecy, and why honesty and accountability matter so much when attraction begins to grow in unhealthy directions.

Listen: Attraction Crosses the Line

Read: Attraction Crosses the Line

Why You Take What Isn’t Yours

In this layered episode, Austin and special guest Kaelyn Mislan unpack the complex meaning behind the eighth commandment: “You shall not steal.” They share the reasons why stealing is wrong: because God commands against it, because it violates personal ownership, and because it disrupts the well-being of others.

They also explore practical ways this command applies today, from honoring other people’s property to avoiding “time stealing,” providing fair compensation, and being generous with others as God has been generous with you. Believers are called not merely to avoid theft, but to become people marked by honesty and generosity.

Listen: Why You Take

Read: Why You Take

The Hidden Danger of Living by Lies

Listen in as Lynn and John explore the ninth commandment: “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.” Drawing from passages like James 3, Matthew 12, and Proverbs 18, they discuss how words can bring either life or destruction. They explain the connection between truth and God’s character, showing how honest speech reflects the God who cannot lie.

The conversation gets practical as they walk through specific ways falsehood damages relationships and communities. From slander and gossip to flattery, half-truths, broken promises, and false assurance, dishonesty can easily disguise itself in everyday life. Most importantly, Jesus perfectly fulfilled what we never could and invites us to live in the freedom of his truth.

Listen: Living by Lies

Read: Living by Lies

Searching for Contentment in a World of Want

In this introspective last episode of our 10 Keys series, John and Shay explore why coveting is more than simply wanting nice things. Coveting affects the way we see our homes, relationships, success, possessions, and our sense of worth. Along the way, they look at why this commandment leaves even the Apostle Paul feeling exposed, and why comparison never actually satisfies.

They also talk about the difference between healthy desire and destructive craving, and why contentment must be learned over time. Coveting is actually connected to this first commandment about idolatry: whatever we believe can make us happy will take God’s place in our hearts. But the good news of the gospel—that permeates this whole series—is that Jesus meets the ache underneath all our desires.

Listen: Searching for Contentment

Read: Searching for Contentment

But the last command, “You shall not covet,” reaches into the hidden places of the heart where comparison and dissatisfaction grow. Even when our lives look fine on the outside, our hearts can still be restless, angry, and convinced that everyone else has been given something better.

In this introspective last episode of our 10 Keys to the Universe series, John and Shay explore why coveting is more than simply wanting something nice. Envy has the power to shape our entire lives, turning good desires into controlling desires. Coveting affects the way we see our homes, relationships, success, possessions, and our sense of worth. They explain why this commandment leaves even the Apostle Paul feeling exposed, and why comparison never actually satisfies.

They also talk about the difference between healthy desire and destructive craving, and why contentment must be learned over time. Coveting is actually connected to this first commandment about idolatry: whatever we believe will finally make us happy can slowly take God’s place in our hearts. But the good news of the gospel is that Jesus meets the ache underneath all our desires.

If you’ve ever struggled with comparison, disappointment, envy, or the feeling that everyone else’s life is better than yours, this conversation is for you. Listen to the full episode or read the podcast summary as we wrap up our series on the Ten Commandments and discover how true contentment is found not in getting everything we want, but in belonging to the God who already loves us completely.

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Highlights from this Episode

As we’ve looked at each of the commandments, we’ve shown how they protect us, guide us, and bring us life. Most people think they’re killjoys. God just wants to take the fun out of life, right? But they’re meant for our joy and actually bring freedom if we follow them.

Today we arrive at the final commandment, “You shall not covet.” According to some very astute theological scholars, we break this commandment every time we break any of the other commands. Because this one’s taking place in the heart. It addresses our deep, deep core desires.

Another word for ‘covet’ is envy. When envy takes hold, we can’t just leave what others have alone. There’s an old fable about a man who is offered anything he desires. The genie says that he can have whatever he wishes, but his neighbor will get double of whatever he asks for. Rather than wishing for something good, the man asks to be blinded in one eye. Then his neighbor will be totally blind. That’s a good summary of what coveting or envy is.

The full commandment is in Exodus 20:17: “You must not covet your neighbor’s house. You must not covet your neighbor’s wife, male or female servant, ox or donkey, or anything else that belongs to your neighbor.” It’s a mirror that you can hold up to your heart and see who you really are.

Scrolling Into Discontentment

Let’s go through each part of the verse and make it personal:

• “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house.” Well...they sure have a lot of nice stuff. Why can’t I have an HGTV house?

• “You should not covet your neighbor’s wife.” I’d be so much happier if I married someone different. Why am I stuck with my spouse when there are so many other better partners out there?

• “You should not covet his ox or donkey”. My car sure is a piece of junk. And all of our friends take amazing vacations. They go to Hawaii, they go to Europe, and we’re lucky if we make it down to Branson.

• “…or anything else that belongs to your neighbor.” Why is everything in my life so hard when everyone else has it so easy?

There’s nothing wrong with noticing what other people have. But most of us don’t notice our neighbor’s new stuff and then drop to our knees to thank God for all of our blessings. We notice and then we stop being thankful for what God has given us. The Apostle Paul himself says, “When I looked at the commandments, I was doing okay. Don’t steal. Don’t lie. Don’t kill. And then I got to do not covet.” And he was like, “I am such a sinner!”

Part of the reason why coveting makes us miserable is because it’s one of the only sins that doesn’t bring any satisfaction at all. Ironically, those who get everything in life are often the ones that are actually the most miserable. They’ve lost hope that fulfilled desire can ever make them happy. In other words, they have it all, and yet they’re still somewhat not satisfied.

There is want, and then there is want. There is legitimate desire, and there is coveting. We’ve lost the vocabulary to tell them apart. There’s a simple way to understand the difference. In healthy wanting, you’re the dog, and your desire is the tail. The tail follows you. In coveting, the desire is the dog, and you’re the tail. It wags you.

Why You Keep Reaching for More

James 4:1-3 describes coveting this way. “You lust and you do not have, and so you commit murder. And you are envious and cannot obtain, so you fight and you quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive because you ask with wrong motives.” James is saying that your motives are not something that you can trust. Coveting is small decisions made over time. Then you become captive to it. It starts to wrap itself around you and it feels normal.

Desire itself is not the enemy. God is pro-pleasure. Psalm 16 says, “In your presence is fullness of joy. In your right hand, there are pleasures forever.” The problem is not that we desire too much. C.S. Lewis put it perfectly. He said, “We are far too easily pleased, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea.”

We settle for fleeting, trivial things when God is saying, I can give you something far better and far more lasting. Lewis is pointing out that our desires aren’t too strong. They’re just twisted and aimed at the wrong things. Coveting begins in the heart. If you surrender to it or let it have its way with you, it will end up making you miserable. The answer lies in the 1^st commandment: “Have no other gods before me.”

Coveting essentially is idolatry; it’s putting something in God’s place. Every time our desires become the dog, and they end up wagging us, we’ve taken something: a person, a possession, a status, or our reputation and put it in the place of God as our source of happiness. It becomes your functional God. That’s what you look to for fulfillment.

Made for Another World

Breaking this command not only hurts God, and not only hurts other people, but it also hurts you. God giving you over to your desires leads to your own personal hell, because you were made for something else. The Apostle Paul says in Philippians 4:12-13, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

Contentment, Paul is saying, is the secret to true happiness. Notice something. Paul says that he learned it. That’s what we skip over. I have learned the secret. Contentment is learned over time, and you may have your heart broken and many dreams shattered before you learn it. For Paul, it was imprisonment. He’s writing this from prison, where almost nothing is under his control, and yet he’s talking about contentment.

C.S. Lewis also astutely observed, “Most people, if they really learn to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and they want very acutely, something that cannot be had or found in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never keep their promise.”

He said that when you arrive at this painful realization, there are four possible responses:

• First, you blame the thing itself. You keep moving the finish line when the next thing doesn’t bring happiness.

• Second, you blame yourself. You feel defective. You assume that something is wrong with you that everyone else has figured out.

• Third, you blame life. You become cynical and assume that the universe is out to get you.

• Fourth, you understand that creatures are not born with desires unless a satisfaction for that desire actually exists. A baby feels hunger. Well, there’s food. A duckling wants to swim. Well, there’s such a thing as water.

If you find yourself with a desire that no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that you were made for another world.

The Law Leads to Jesus

Jesus said, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me shall not hunger. And whoever believes in me shall never thirst.” In Jesus, you have the friend who sticks closer than a brother. You have the high priest who loves to intercede for his people. God is with you. He hasn’t forgotten you. You are not alone. And so when you begin to envy, when you begin to covet, when you begin to think you’re missing out in life, and God has not been good, remember that.

We’re going to wrap up our discussion on the 10th commandment. But we’re also wrapping up the entire series. So let’s put the Ten Commandments in perspective. Think of them like a mirror when you’re shaving in the morning. The mirror is only showing you what needs to be addressed. So you can look at these commands, and you can wag your finger at yourself and say, now you’ve got to be better at this. That’s like asking the mirror to shave you, right? The mirror doesn’t shave you. You have to look for the thing that will address the needs that you have.

You want to love God. You want to love your neighbor as yourself because of this new heart that God’s given you. You know you’re forgiven. You know you’re loved. And that frees you up to love God and to love others. If you try and please God by living up to these commands, you’ll never be able to achieve that and it will result in frustration and legalism.

If you eat the icing off of cake all of your life, you will become extremely unhealthy. No protein, no complex carbs, no nutrients. If you approach the Ten Commandments that way, without Jesus being the bread of life, you’re going to destroy yourself. You’ve got to eat the bread too.

This is exactly how Paul understood the Ten Commandments. He said the law, the Ten Commandments, is like a tutor. It leads us to Christ so that by faith, by trusting in the one who kept all the commandments perfectly, we will be made right with God.

At times, lying might seem like a not-so-harmful sin (“little white lie”) but there’s a reason that truth matters so much to God—and why the Bible treats careless speech with such seriousness.

In this episode, Lynn and John continue our ongoing series, 10 Keys to the Universe, by exploring the ninth commandment: “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.” Drawing from passages like James 3, Matthew 12, and Proverbs 18, they discuss how words can bring either life or destruction. They explain the connection between truth and God’s character, showing how honest speech reflects the God who cannot lie.

The conversation gets practical as they walk through specific ways falsehood damages relationships and communities. From slander and gossip to flattery, half-truths, broken promises, and false assurances, Lynn and John examine how easily dishonesty can disguise itself in everyday life.

They also offer steps for slowing down before speaking, developing discernment in a culture full of deception, and recognizing the lasting impact that words have on others. Most importantly, they point listeners back to the hope of the gospel: Jesus perfectly fulfilled what we never could and invites us to live in the freedom of his truth.

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Highlights from this Episode

We’re going through the Ten Commandments and calling them 10 Keys to the Universe, because there’s a lot of life and goodness to be had from the commands. Going through these commands can feel daunting, overwhelming, even crushing. The deeper we get into them, the more we realize we don’t live up to them. But Jesus lived up to them perfectly, and the beauty of the gospel is that he says, “I’ll give you my resume as if you performed all of these things perfectly.”

Most people hear the word “command” and immediately think something negative. There is a negative side to them because we do things that hurt us, and God is saying, “No, stop hurting yourself.” But there’s also a positive side. Today we’re tackling the ninth commandment, which is about telling the truth and not lying. Tim Keller said, “God creates things with words.” So this command is all about words.

God says, “Let there be light,” and there’s light. “Let there be vegetation,” and there’s vegetation. But he couldn’t just snap his fingers and say, “Let there be forgiveness.” He worked through centuries of redemptive history to bring about forgiveness through Jesus because he wanted to be with us. God didn’t look at humanity and say, “You’ve dropped the ball. You’re not good enough for me.” He said, “I’m going to be good enough for you because I want to be with you.”

All of the other commandments can be broken with words. You can dishonor your parents with words. You can commit adultery with words. You can murder with words. You can steal with words. But when it comes to commandment number nine, it’s different because it’s entirely about words. It pushes us into the world of what the Bible calls ‘the tongue’.

The Power of the Tongue

Let’s start by looking at why our words matter. James 3 gives a detailed description of how destructive our words can be. James says, “The tongue is a fire, the very world of unrighteousness.” Fire burns and defiles the whole body. It “sets on fire the course of our life and is set on fire by hell.” Fire is a symbol of total destruction, and James is saying this is incredibly dangerous.

He continues, “No one among mankind can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil full of deadly poison.” Then he says, “With it, we bless our Lord and Father, and with it, we curse people who have been made in the likeness of God.” When we use our tongues in ways that hurt people, it’s wrong because of who they are. Human beings are made in the likeness of God. We are image-bearers.

We don’t tell the truth simply because it’s an assignment from God, like homework from an eighth-grade algebra teacher. We don’t tame our tongues merely because it’s good manners or because our parents said, “If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.” The command exists because people are eternally valuable to God. We are not rocks or turtles. If we hurt our neighbor with our words, God connects it to assaulting his own character.

Jesus reinforces this in Matthew 12. “The mouth speaks from that which fills the heart. The good person brings out of his good treasure good things, and the evil person brings out of his evil treasure evil things.” Then comes the sobering part: “I tell you that for every careless word that people speak, they will give an account of it on the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Speaking Life or Destruction

Proverbs 18 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Those passages together show how much importance the Bible places on our words. One of the biggest lies we learned early in life was, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” The biblical version sounds more like this: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words will ravage, disorient, and permanently scar my soul.”

The actual command says, “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.” When we bear false witness against someone, we take something away from them that is deeply valuable. At its heart, the ninth commandment is about protecting people: protecting their reputations, their safety, and their standing in the community. Our words are supposed to reflect truth because God’s nature is truth.

When we use our words truthfully, we mirror God’s light, life, and character. Truth is grounded outside of us in a real person: God himself. He loves people and does not want to destroy them with untruthful words. When someone asks, “Who told you that?” the Christian answer is ultimately, “God said so.” God cannot lie. He made the world and ordered it around truth.

Why Truth Matters to God

That raises the question: If God is truth, where did lying come from? The Bible says Satan is the father of lies. Lying is the exact opposite of God’s nature. Jesus’ claims about truth force a decision. You can’t simply say he was a good teacher. Either he was completely wrong, or he really was who he said he was.

With the trends of society and technology, we’re losing our ability to distinguish truth from lies. We’re exposed to misinformation, spin, and curated realities constantly. Sometimes we see a picture online and instantly assume it’s real because our instincts are being trained away from discernment.

Why do we lie in the first place? Often it’s because we fear punishment, shame, or embarrassment. Another reason is overpowering desires. We want to be popular, successful, and admired. In families and organizations, people spin narratives to protect their position and maintain the upper hand. Sometimes we lie simply to get our needs met because we don’t trust God to come through for us if we’re honest.

At some level, all these reasons for lying are about not believing God. We don’t trust that he can be with us, help us, and sustain us if we tell the truth.

With that in mind, we’d like to share different ways of lying that you may not have considered.

The Many Faces of Falsehood

1. Perjury

Perjury is the courtroom application of the ninth commandment. It’s testifying falsely under oath. This is especially serious because you are invoking God’s name as the guarantor of your truthfulness. So when you swear falsely by God, you’re also taking his name in vain, connecting the ninth commandment directly to the third.

When someone says, “So help me God,” and then lies, they are using God as a prop for deception. They are attaching God’s authority to falsehood. Truthfulness matters profoundly wherever justice and testimony are involved.

2. Slander

Leviticus 19:16 says, “You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people.” Slander means making false or misleading statements about someone that damage their reputation. God says this matters because it hurts people made in his image.

This isn’t just a social mistake or rude behavior. It’s a moral requirement rooted in loving your neighbor. If you make false statements that cause someone to lose their job, marriage, reputation, or standing in the community, you have committed a profound injustice.

3. Gossip

Gossip is different from legitimately sharing information. The issue is not merely talking about other people. Otherwise, no one could ever report a crime or warn someone about danger. Gossip is the careless, irresponsible circulation of damaging information without proper verification or legitimate purpose.

Gossip often masquerades as concern. “I’m only telling you so you can pray for Brother Jim.” But the real motivation is the social currency from being the insider with the information. Modern slang softens it. “I’ve got some tea” sounds lighter than “Let’s gossip.” But changing the wording doesn’t change the reality. God says gossip damages people.

4. Flattery

Flattery surprises people because it sounds positive. But flattery is insincere praise used to manipulate someone. It’s a form of false witness because you’re representing someone to themselves as better than they are, or pretending your relationship is warmer than it actually is in order to gain something.

This happens constantly in employer-employee relationships, social settings, and friendships. You exaggerate praise to motivate, influence, or gain favor: “You’re the best at this I’ve ever seen.” No, they’re not. The praise is functioning as manipulation rather than truth. The ninth commandment requires integrity rather than manipulation.

5. Exaggeration and Half-Truths

You can deceive someone while speaking technically true statements. You omit crucial information, emphasize selected facts, or frame things to create a misleading impression. It’s the lawyer’s trick of constructing a narrative from selected facts and the politician’s art of saying something technically accurate but functionally misleading.

The spirit of the ninth commandment demands more than technical accuracy. It demands the intent to produce true understanding in the listener. Half-truths distort reality even if individual pieces are factually correct.

6. False Assurance

Jeremiah condemns false prophets who say, “Peace, peace,” when there is no peace. False assurance happens when someone avoids difficult truth for the sake of comfort or convenience. It’s the doctor who says, “Everything’s going to be fine,” simply to avoid a hard conversation. It’s the friend who tells someone they’re doing spiritually great when they’re actually in danger.

The ninth commandment means we are obligated not only to avoid falsehood but also to speak necessary truth, even when it costs us. That does not mean dropping “truth bombs” on people carelessly. Truth without love becomes cruelty.

7. Broken Promises

The commandment also includes vows and commitments. Words about the future matter. Marriage vows are a powerful example. Saying “I do” shapes an entire life because promises create expectations about future faithfulness.

When you break promises carelessly or deceptively, you’ve lied about the future. Keeping your word, even when it costs you, is an expression of the integrity required by the ninth commandment. We all want to live in a world where people speak truthfully and can be trusted.

The Healing Power of Words

The positive side of this commandment is truthful testimony and sincere communication. We interpret people charitably and honestly. Ephesians 4 tells us to “speak the truth in love.” Truth and love belong together. It’s not permission to unload harsh criticism onto people.

People misuse “speak the truth in love” as an excuse to say harsh things however they want because they think, “I’m just telling the truth.” But biblical truth-telling is shaped by humility, love, timing, and care for the other person.

Sometimes you do need to say something hard. Other times, you need to notice the good in people and praise them sincerely. Proper praise builds people up instead of manipulating them, and reflects God’s character.

We have three practical takeaways to consider:

1. Audit your words before they leave your mouth.

Pausing is good. It’s okay to tell someone, “Let me think about that.” We often feel pressured to respond immediately, but wisdom slows down. Thoughtful pauses prevent tremendous damage.

2. Develop the ability to tell truth from lies.

We live in a culture working overtime to blur the lines between truth and falsehood. We need to stay anchored in God’s Word and rely on the Holy Spirit, who guides us into all truth. We need discernment to navigate a world full of deception.

3. Take seriously what you say about other people.

Your words have weight. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Your words shape how you see the world, how you see yourself, and how others are treated. They affect opportunities, relationships, reputations, and even the condition of the soul.

Self-talk matters too. Speaking lies about ourselves can create incredible soul tears and damage. Dallas Willard famously began his mornings by saying, “There is no condemnation for me because I am in Christ Jesus. I am his beloved son.” Truthful words directed toward ourselves matter deeply.

If those kinds of truthful, grace-filled words are shaping your own soul, that’s what will eventually overflow onto other people. You’ll become someone who can speak life instead of death because your speech is being formed by the God who is truth.

Recommended Resource

The Doctrine of the Christian Life by John Frame

What if it starts with anxiety, dissatisfaction, and the belief that God won’t really provide what we need? To make it even more complicated, what if it’s about the ways that we aren’t always generous with our time and money?

In this layered episode of our ongoing series, 10 Keys to the Universe, Austin and special guest Kaelyn Mislan unpack the complex meaning behind the eighth commandment: “You shall not steal.” They share the reasons why stealing is wrong: because God commands against it, because it violates personal ownership, and because it disrupts the well-being of others. They also discuss how stealing reflects a failure to trust God’s generous character and reveals a mindset that places personal desires above the needs of others.

They explore practical ways this command applies today, from honoring other people’s property and work to avoiding “time stealing,” providing fair compensation, and being generous with others as God has been generous with you. At its core, the command calls believers not merely to avoid theft, but to become people marked by honesty and generosity.

If you’ve ever wrestled with comparison, entitlement, anxiety about provision, or the temptation to justify questionable choices, this episode offers both conviction and hope. Listen to this thoughtful conversation on the eighth commandment and discover how God’s design leads not to restriction, but to freedom, trust, and contentment.

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Highlights from this Episode

Austin: Welcome to WYITW. We are nearing the end of our 10 Keys to the Universe series, where we examine each of the Ten Commandments and learn how each one is a compass to help us navigate the wilderness of life when we’re stuck or confused or lost. Today we have arrived at the very short and sweet 8th commandment: “You shall not steal.”

Like many of these commandments, there is more than meets the eye to this one. And to help me unpack this I have brought someone I’ve known for over a decade, first as a college student and now as a co-worker at The Crossing, as Operations Director, and recent seminary graduate: Kaelyn Mislan!

Kaelyn: Thank you for having me!

Austin: I first knew you as a college student involved with The Crossing’s college ministry Veritas - you were the drummer! But what struck me is your love of people (especially people different from you) and your love of learning - you asked really good and thoughtful questions, which explains why you decided to pursue a seminary degree through Covenant. Our discussion today will be better for having you here.

Let’s define what stealing is so we can all be on the same page. I like how Old Testament scholar Douglas Stuart explains it in his Exodus commentary: “Stealing is taking something that does not belong to you without permission.” Short and sweet and clear—just like the commandment! But simple commandments are sneaky because we can be tricked into confidently thinking we keep them.

Kaelyn, let me put you on the spot for a second—have you ever stolen anything? Or if you can’t think of it, are you willing to throw someone else under the bus and talk about a time you saw someone else stealing?

Kaelyn: Part of my job is security stuff at the church, and we had a legit instance of thievery a few months ago. Also, when I started dating husband he was the type of guy that put soda in a water cup! What about you? Have you stolen anything?

Austin: I have two stealing stories: one where I’m the dummy and one where I’m the hero. When I was in 7th grade, I stole my best friend’s baseball card. And then I came to school THE NEXT DAY claiming that I found the exact same card in a pack. So dumb! But I was a hero when I caught a shoplifter at a clothing store where I worked. She was trying to make her way out of the store with about 80 items of clothing. I think all of us probably have each kind of story in our background.

To start, let’s take a look at 3 reasons why stealing is wrong.

First, stealing is wrong “because God says so” and that could actually be all the reason we need. He’s our Father who created all things, set up life in his way, and designed the rules. We need to be careful not to “put God in the dock” as C.S. Lewis says. In other words, be careful not to put God on trial as if he needs to justify himself. Nope. If he says it, it stands.

Second, stealing is wrong because it violates a person’s right to ownership. Douglas Stuart also pointed out how “legal possession and personal ownership of things are permitted implicitly by this commandment.” If Israel was a completely communal society with no rights to personal property or ownership, stealing wouldn’t be a command because no one person could claim “this is mine.” But the fact that God says “don’t steal” assumes that a person can claim a right to something.

Kaelyn: This command has no direct object, so we shouldn’t be stealing anything - which makes us think past the obvious forms of stealing and into more subtle, less obvious forms.

Austin: That’s a great point that we will explore in a bit.

Third, stealing is wrong because it threatens the social order and potentially causes others to be in pain, to be at risk, or to not have access to necessities. In the immediate context Israel is living an agrarian lifestyle. Not a lot of grocery stores around! So, if someone steals food, others will go hungry. If someone steals an animal, it compromises food and sacrifices. Stealing clothing means others will be cold or exposed.

Kaelyn, any other thoughts on this point, or other things come to mind as to why stealing is wrong?

Kaelyn: It violates God’s character. In fact, laws tell us something about the lawgiver and their values and character. God is the giver of life and all good things. He is generous and provides for even the birds and the flowers.

Austin: In the same way but reversed, when a person steals it reveals where their mind and heart are at, which is a problem. When someone steals, perhaps even for understandable and benevolent reasons, they are placing their personal needs over and above others’ needs.

Their personal rationale and logic is placed at the center of the universe; this justification of motives leads to a “It’ll be fine” mentality. If someone says, “I know stealing is wrong but…” That’s a big, problematic but!

Is It Stealing? – Lightning Round!

Now that we’ve covered some of the obvious points, let’s get to examples of stealing. Time for the lightning round! Let’s go one at a time. Hit me with the first one!

Q: The game has already started, and you move down to empty seats near the field. Is that stealing?
A: Probably not. The seats have already been purchased, enough time has passed to assume the ticket holders are not coming, and you already paid for admission. The important caveat is that if the original ticket holders arrive, you move immediately.

Q: You find a $20 bill on the ground outside a gas station and keep it. Is that stealing?
A: The wisest response is to turn it in to the employee working there in case someone comes back looking for it. Ethically, the money clearly belongs to someone, even if the owner is unknown.

Q: You take extra Chick-fil-A sauce packets beyond the limit listed in the app. Is that stealing?
A: It depends on the scale. Taking one or two extra packets probably falls into a gray area. Taking a large amount knowingly exceeds what the restaurant intended to provide and begins to look more like taking resources that were not offered to you.

Q: A struggling mother waits behind a restaurant dumpster for discarded leftovers to feed her family. Is that stealing?
A: Probably not. Once the restaurant throws the food away, they are relinquishing ownership of it. Even though the dumpster is still on their property, the food itself has been discarded.

Q: You order something online, it never arrives, so you get a refund. Then the item eventually shows up. Is keeping both the refund and the item stealing?
A: In most cases, yes. You now possess both the product and the refunded money, meaning the company absorbed the loss twice. Even if the mistake was theirs, knowingly keeping both crosses into dishonest territory.

Q: You work a salaried remote job and spend an hour talking to a friend during work hours. Is that stealing company time?
A: Not necessarily. Salaried work is often based more on completing responsibilities than tracking exact minutes. The key question is whether both employer and employee understand and agree to the expectations. The answer is clearer if you are being paid hourly.

Q: You don’t pay a parking meter because you think you can get away with it. Is that stealing?
A: Yes. Cities budget around expected meter revenue and intentionally avoiding payment takes resources away from services funded by those fees. The effect feels indirect, but if everyone adopted that mindset, the system would break down quickly.

Austin: We’ve talked about what not to do. Now let’s talk about what we should do. These are the things we should strive for, but there are also ways we can fertilize the soil and roots that will help contribute to healthier growth. We’re going to share 4 truths with you: 2 about God and 2 that provide guidance.

2 Truths About God

Truth #1: God is our Father who will provide for us. In Matthew 6:25, 30-32, Jesus tells his followers not to be anxious about what they will wear and what they will eat. This is important insight because anxiety precedes the act of stealing, and it shows that behind the mindset that says “I have to steal” is a lack of trust.

Jesus then gives the rationale as to why his followers don’t need to be anxious in verse 30, “Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Truth #2: God himself is more satisfying than anything we could acquire for ourselves. In Deuteronomy 8:4, it says, “Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.”

2 Truths that Give Guidance

Truth #1: Honoring Personal Ownership. We are stewards. We have been given so many things by God, and he calls us to take care of them. Don’t steal someone’s intellectual property and claim it as your own. Give credit where credit is due.

Truth #2: Honoring fair and just payment/reward for work and services offered. No demanding something that you haven’t earned or is unreasonable to ask for. No taking advantage of fair and just payments given to you without putting in the work (time stealing). 1 Timothy 5:18 says, “The laborer deserves his wages.”

This goes the opposite way too—don’t short-change your workers! You’re “stealing” from them in this sense. The full extent and spirit of the law is to be overly generous because God is generous with you.

Austin: There may be times when you need something that you don’t have, and you find yourself tempted to cut corners or to steal. Ask God to show you and convict you of these impulses. And ask, “Where and how can I rely on God?” Ask others for help, especially in the body of Christ. Galatians 6:1 says, “Bear one another’s burdens.”

Kaelyn: You can also ask yourself, where do I have abundance? Where am I overflowing with resources, whether that’s financially, relationally, with my time, effort, or skills? Where and how can I be generous and connect with people in need?

Austin: That’s so good. At the end of the day, the 8th commandment isn’t just about what you take or don’t take, it’s about who you trust. The good news of Scripture is that God is not stingy or forgetful. He is a good father who knows what you need, sees what you lack, and calls you into a full life through Jesus.

So as you step out of this conversation, maybe the question isn’t just, “Am I taking what isn’t mine?” but also, “Where am I failing to trust the one who has already given me everything I truly need?”

Thank you so much for joining us today, Kaelyn! We really appreciate it!

But you might not know that The Crossing has multiple podcasts that cover a wide range of topics:

Not Just Sunday - Pastors Patrick Miller and Keith Simon share practical steps for living a full-time Christian life

10 Minute Bible Talks - Learn how to apply a Bible verse in the time it takes to get to work or buy a cup of coffee

Going There - Vulnerable conversations for women about how to trade the messages of culture for truth

Christian Meditation for A Bigger Life - Experience God’s presence through biblically guided imagination

With new episodes dropping every week, it can be tough to know which ones are most worth your time. That’s where we want to help.

The Crossing Weekly Listen is a brand-new email you’ll receive every Monday featuring the week’s most meaningful episodes from across all of our podcasts. You’ll get quick summaries, episode links and recommended resources to encourage your faith throughout the week.

Sign up now!

Because in a world full of noise, finding thoughtful, faith-filled content shouldn’t feel overwhelming.

Even hearing the word can bring up grief, anger, shame, fear, and painful memories. For some, this commandment feels intensely personal because they’ve experienced betrayal firsthand. For others, it exposes struggles, temptations, or regrets they’ve hidden for years.

In this honest episode of our ongoing series, 10 Keys to the Universe, Ryan and Kelley Wampler join Austin to talk about the devastating effects of infidelity, sharing personal stories of how adultery impacted their own families and shaped the way they view trust, marriage, and faithfulness. Together, they unpack God’s original design for relationships and why intimacy was always meant to flourish within safety, commitment, and covenant love.

The conversation also moves beyond the narrow definition of adultery as only physical affairs. From emotional attachment and flirtation to pornography and secret online interactions, there are subtle ways our hearts can drift away from faithfulness. Along the way, the hosts discuss the role of temptation, the danger of secrecy, and why honesty and accountability matter so much when attraction begins to grow in unhealthy directions.

Most importantly, this episode offers hope. Whether you’ve been betrayed, made mistakes yourself, or fear repeating patterns you’ve seen in your family, failure is not the end of the story. Through confession, repentance, wisdom, and the grace of Jesus, healing and restoration are always possible, even in relationships marked by deep hurt and broken trust.

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Highlights from this Interview

Austin: Today my special guests are Ryan and Kelley Wampler. They co-lead the small groups ministry here at The Crossing, which is the church we’re based out of in Columbia, Missouri. Ryan and Kelley, hello and welcome.

Ryan: Thanks for having us, Austin. Both Kelley and I work with small groups here at The Crossing. It’s been a privilege to be a part of The Crossing for 24 years out of the 25 years it’s been in existence. There are so many people, so many stories, and so many changed lives that it’s been a blessing to be a part of over the years.

Austin: So glad to have you here. In our 10 Keys to the Universe series thus far, we’ve covered the first six commandments. Today we are at number seven: You shall not commit adultery. This can be a painful subject for many people. If you’ve been betrayed in marriage, then you know the damage it can inflict—not just on you, but on kids, extended family, friends, and more. Maybe you’re angry, hurt, and confused because this happened to you.

On the flip side, if you’ve committed adultery, you might feel guilty and ashamed for what you’ve done. If so, that’s godly shame as the result of your actions, but you might also feel frustrated that nobody’s going to let you forget about the harm that you caused, even if you have demonstrated genuine repentance.

You might come from a family where this happened. I haven’t shared much about my own story before, but my dad had an affair. He was repentant and we’ve been able to work through it as a family. But it had a devastating impact. Kelley and Ryan, what has your own experience been? When and how have you been affected by infidelity?

Kelley: It’s affected my family too. When I was in third grade, my parents got divorced because my dad had an affair. It was a really messy situation that was riddled with dysfunction. For many years, I wasn’t sure I wanted to get married because I didn’t want to possibly go through something so painful again. Since I didn’t see a model of faithfulness, it made me wonder if having a loving and committed marriage was even possible. The good news is that it is.

Ryan: When people have committed adultery, they are often branded and stigmatized. There’s a sense in which even discussing it is taboo. It keeps people from really being honest with it because it feels so dark and ugly and never something you want to be true of you, that you just have a tough time being honest and maybe getting help when you need it.

Austin: I love how you talked about being honest and getting help, and we’ll get to that a little bit later, but that’s really well said. We want to talk about it today because God gave this command for a reason. When we understand why and prioritize it, then our lives can flourish and bring goodness to those around us.

First, we’re going to talk about God’s original design for relationships, and then we’re going to see where and how things went wrong. Second, we’re going to discuss and define adultery. Next, we’ll talk about the specific ways that adultery or even attraction to someone else other than your spouse might happen to you.

If you’re single, this episode is still for you because one day you might be in a relationship or maybe you are single because you were cheated on in the past, and as you look for another relationship, you have real fears. So this isn’t just for people who are married.

Last, we’re going to end with some tangible ways that you can obey and live out this commandment with faithfulness and integrity. Kelley, tell us just a little bit about God’s design for relationships, and where and how things went wrong.

Kelley: When I think about a good theology of relationships and sex, where did it come from? Where did these ideas originate? When we look back at the very beginning of the Bible and the book of Genesis, we see God creating man and woman to be in this intimate and loving and committed and purposeful relationship.

God said, “It’s not good for man to be alone,” and he created them to have intimacy together in profound and satisfying ways. The other thing we see is Adam and Eve being naked and unashamed, meaning they knew the deepest parts of each other and felt accepted and valued and known. They were told to become one flesh and be fruitful and multiply.

Austin: I love how you said that. They long for intimacy, not just sexual, but emotional and relational intimacy as well. I’m really in awe because this good gift that God wants to give us of this deep and vibrant intimacy with our spouse, is one of life’s greatest joys. God knew that it takes safety and trust and faithfulness for that intimacy to be cultivated, which is why in his kindness, he gives us the commandment we’re talking about today.

Ryan: The serpent tells Eve that if she eats from the tree, that she will have the knowledge of good and evil and that she will see like God sees. Eve saw that the fruit was good. So for the first time in the story, we see discontentment. She’s no longer content with what she’s been given but takes something she wasn’t meant to take. She went outside of the relationship with God and the parameters he gave her.

Kelley: Sin is always seeking to distort the good things that God has given. You need to ask yourself, what’s the original good thing that God gave me, and what desire am I chasing after? Is it what God intends for me to have?

Austin: That brings us to the 7^th commandment, “You shall not commit adultery”. Adultery is a powerful, serious word. Maybe when you hear it, it feels irrelevant, because you haven’t had sex with anyone besides your spouse. But as you can tell from the title of the episode, we want to address the broader issue of attraction. What are some subtle forms of adultery or attraction that are unhealthy?

Kelley: As with most of the commandments, in the New Testament, Jesus ups the game. He doesn’t confine it to physical infidelity. He’s looking at your heart, not just your behavior. In Matthew 5, he says, if you lust after a woman in your heart, you’ve committed adultery. At its core, adultery isn’t just about behavior, but it’s about a misdirected desire or a broken trust.

The easy access to porn that is found in the digital space breaks my heart. It’s an epidemic that has literally shifted the landscape of sexuality in a way I’ve never seen in my time. It’s more than that: it’s sexting or exchanging explicit photos, fantasy relationships, Only Fans, even just flirting and exchanging DMs or using apps that you wouldn’t want your spouse to see.

Women have to watch out for emotional attraction, that feeling of excitement or longing or an emotional dependence on another person. For men and women, you can start to have a spark with somebody else. When you feel that way, the temptation can be to hide it. You start to tell feel like your spouse doesn’t “get you” and this other person does.

Austin: Adultery exists on a spectrum; the relational impact can look very different depending on the situation. For example, briefly developing emotional closeness with a coworker is not the same as carrying on a years-long affair, even though both cross boundaries. Also, cultural attitudes can change. Sometimes adultery has been seen as extremely shameful. Other times it’s considered to be not a big deal. This is even more reason why we need to turn to the Bible for our standards of marriage and faithfulness.

Kelley: I worked in a sales environment early in our marriage and was surprised by how married coworkers flirted openly, removed wedding rings at conferences, and made inappropriate plans together. During that season, what started as friendly conversation turned into attraction to a coworker. Right before going to dinner alone with him at a conference, I felt a powerful “Holy Spirit moment” warning me not to go through with it.

After that experience, I reached out to trusted friends for accountability and intentionally turned my attention back toward investing in her marriage. Later, Ryan and I were able to talk honestly about what had happened and process the hurt it created. I wouldn’t have thought I could ever be in that situation. It was a huge wake-up call, and a reminder that my heart is sick above all else and I need to tend to it.

Ryan: Over our 20 years of ministry, there are the people that I know that have allowed themselves to be attracted to people online, or developed porn addictions that led to hookups with random people in town and destroyed marriages. I’ve seen pastors and small group leaders at other churches who have succumbed. You can’t control when the spark happens, but you choose how you respond to it. You’re either going to keep it going, or put it out.

Austin: One of my seminary professors said, “Affairs are never about sex.” At first I didn’t even know what he meant. But his point was that attraction is usually a gradual process that happens in subtle ways. And it’s usually about being seen and feeling validated.

It’s important to understand how the ‘adultery train’ starts to pick up speed. It begins with whatever is happening or not happening in the marriage—criticism, resentment, disconnection, lack of effort put into the relationship. Then when the spark happens, if you’re not paying attention, you can start to think about the other person more than you think about your spouse, or compare your spouse to them unfavorably.

Ryan: Every marriage will experience discontentment in some degree or another. The honeymoon phase will end. You will be discontent. And that is not a sign that you need to leave.

Austin: Well said. And then the question is, “What do I do next?” Here are four practical ways to pump the brakes on the ‘adultery train’ once it’s left the station:

1. Be honest with yourself. Admit you’re attracted to someone else. Once you admit it, you realize it’s a big deal. You’re bringing it into the light. Admitting is always the first step to freedom.

2. Confess your sin. Psalm 51 is David’s lament and confession after he coerced Bathsheba into sleeping with him and had her husband killed. He says to God, “Against you and you alone have I sinned.” Yes, he had sinned against Bathsheba and her husband, but ultimately he sinned against God. So confess to God and then confess to your spouse.

3. Cut off communication with the other person. You have to break it off. It can be difficult to do this. Let your spouse take the lead and do what makes them comfortable. You may think you don’t need to do this, but unless you do, you’ll be re-ensnared.

4. Create new habits in your marriage. Maybe you’ll go on a walk every day. Or go for coffee once a week. Talk about emotional intimacy together. Ask your spouse, “How are you really doing? What’s really going on? How can I meet your needs? Can I share my needs?” Cultivating emotional intimacy can really be helpful in preventing affairs or repairing hurts. We list resources at the end that can help with this.

Ryan: The woman at the well in John 4 has had several husbands and she’s living with somebody who’s not her husband right now. Jesus knew what she had done, and yet he still treated her with respect and dignity and said that there’s hope for her to find living water. Whatever choices you’ve made, God knows, and he’s not shocked by it.

Austin: Getting off the adultery train might hurt. It might blow up the current living situation. It might make things more painful. You might have to confess things that are going to send a spouse spiraling. And those are painful. In the long run, you’ve come clean. You’ve got a freer conscience. When you trust in Jesus, he’s not going to let you go. He’s got you right now. And he offers forgiveness.

Ryan and Kelley, your perspective and wisdom is such a gift. Ryan, would you pray for us as we close?

Ryan: Heavenly Father, thank you for creating us as relational beings with the ability to connect with others. Thank you for your wonderful commands. We confess all the ways that we try to connect with people that are against your wisdom and guidelines. Thank you for being willing to forgive us. Wake us up in the early stages of temptation and help us to turn back to contentment, to faithfulness, and trust in you. We pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Recommended Resources

The Trauma of Betrayal & Infidelity - WYITW podcast episode with the Raabsmiths

How Did I Get Addicted to Porn? - WYITW podcast episode

How We Love - Discover your love style & end your repetitive fight forever

Building True Intimacy - book by Dan Drake & the Raabsmiths

Making Marriage Work - WYITW podcast series

Making Marriage Work Small Group Study - a free download you can use to give your marriage a gentle tune-up

Most of us have no desire to harm others. It can seem like a command meant only for the worst kinds of people.

But in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus exposes how relevant it is to each one of us. As soon as he starts talking about anger, contempt, and the hidden conditions of the heart, we’re all on the hook for breaking it.

As we continue our ongoing series, 10 Keys to the Universe, Austin and John explore why human life is so sacred and why this commandment matters far beyond physical violence. They explain why God gave this commandment, the obvious and non-obvious ways it can be broken, and what Jesus means when he links anger and contempt to murder itself.

They’ll also step into several difficult and emotionally charged topics, including military service, suicide, and abortion. Rather than offering simplistic answers, they thoughtfully engage the real-life complexity, pain, and ethical questions surrounding each one.

Most importantly, this conversation is ultimately about the condition of the human heart—and the grace of Jesus that meets us there. Whether you feel burdened by guilt or tempted to dismiss this commandment altogether, our hope is that this episode moves you toward greater awareness and compassion.

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Highlights from this Episode

Have you ever heard of a time when something of great value was thought to be almost worthless? In 2005, art dealers came across what they assumed was a remake of Leonardo da Vinci’s masterpiece Salvatore Mundi. They bought it for $10,000. But as they examined it later, they realized that it was a legitimate original. Five years later, it ended up being sold for $450 million.

In the same way, the 6^th commandment is deceptively simple. It doesn’t seem complicated. There’s a temptation to read it and think that you understand it—and that you’re not guilty of breaking it. If you assume that, you’ve missed it.

Jesus explains why that’s the case in the Sermon on the Mount, in the New Testament book of Matthew 5:21, when he says, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, you shall not murder, and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.” He’s referencing the 6th commandment here.

Then he continues, “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment. Whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council. Whoever says, you fool, you’ll be liable to the hell of fire.” Jesus took this idea to the deepest place it could go—our inner hearts.

Murder is the end of a terrible process of the cancerous growth of sin. Most of us have never physically murdered anyone. But guess what’s right alongside that? The often sinful desires of our hearts. The pastor and seminary professor Dan Doriani puts it this way: “Jesus probes the depths of our affinity for this law by exploring the pre-murderous dispositions that lie behind the act.”

Why Every Life Matters to God

An important basic principle is that human life is sacred. In Genesis 9, right after the flood, Noah and his family are looking around like, now what? And God comes right out of the gate saying, “You shall not shed any man’s blood.” He doubles down on his valuing of life in Genesis 1 and 2.

So human life is sacred, but why? First, it’s priceless. If somebody gives a diamond ring to their wife, and the wife dies, and another person offers to buy that diamond ring, it would be unlikely for someone to sell it at any price; it’s priceless, because of who and what it represents. Each person is created individually by God and is unique and irreplaceable.

Second, humans are of infinite value because we’re made in God’s image. Every human being that comes into your life was created by God and has a divine imprint. No human being is your property. If you harm another person, it’s as if you’re tearing up a beautiful painting that bears the image of God.

How Sin Distorts the Way We See People

Why does God give the command to not murder? Sadly, sin blinds us to the truth that every person is made in God’s image. The very first story in the Bible after the fall is Cain and Abel. One brother kills another. The philosopher-theologian, John Frame, says that the one word that sums up the fall is death. And what comes right after the fall? Death.

How do you know if you break this command? We can’t come up with every actual and potential way to break the 6th commandment, but we’re going to get into a few specifics that are relevant for Christians today. We’ll divide them into two categories: obvious and non-obvious ways to break this command.

There’s an important distinction that helps bring clarity as we discuss this commandment: the distinction between intent and impact. Intent is the conscious motive and action we’re aware of. Impact is the corresponding result of those actions in the world around us.

Impact always matters. You can be held accountable for something you did not intend to do. Think about a car crash caused by looking at your phone while driving. You didn’t intend to kill someone, but someone still died. The impact is real.

The Destructive Power of Anger

The obvious ways include actual murder, whether premeditated or done in the heat of the moment. Attempted murder also breaks the commandment because the intent was there even if the act wasn’t completed.

In addition to physical harm, Jesus also makes a connection between murder and unrestrained anger. He says anybody who is angry with his brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Why is there a connection between murder and anger? Because harboring bitterness and contempt leads to a desire for revenge and punishment.

If you’re someone with a very sensitive conscience, our goal is not to crush you under guilt. But if you’re someone who leans too heavily on grace and minimizes sin, this is the moment to listen carefully. Grace is not permission to dismiss wrongdoing.

Beyond Intentional Violence

Here are some less-than-obvious ways you might break the 6th commandment:

Distraction. If you look at your phone while driving and someone dies as a result, that qualifies as murder. Another example might be negligence in a job with serious responsibility. Think about an air traffic controller. If you’re distracted and planes collide, people die.

Negligence. This is knowing what needs to be done and failing to do it out of laziness, apathy, or selfishness. Imagine a business owner who ignores safety codes or refuses to update dangerous equipment. If someone dies because those precautions weren’t taken, responsibility falls on the person who neglected those duties.

Lack of care. Our response to the 6^th commandment includes being concerned about anything that harms human life or prevents flourishing. That’s called the doctrine of carefulness. The goal of the doctrine of carefulness is to protect life to the fullest extent possible—physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.

Exploring Difficult Situations

Have you ever wrestled with a question about the value of life that seems to be too difficult to answer? While we don’t claim to know everything about this issue, here are some thoughts to ponder:

1. Military Service. Can a Christian participate in war? The commandment in Hebrew literally means “no murder.” It does not prohibit all killing. Christian tradition, especially through St. Augustine’s Just War Theory, has wrestled deeply with this question. Augustine proposed three diagnostic questions for determining whether a war is just:

• Just cause. War must be fought to correct a serious injustice or prevent a greater evil. Think about soldiers fighting against the Nazis. History makes it easier to see that extreme evil sometimes requires force to stop it.

• Legitimate authority. A private individual cannot declare war. Augustine argued that war requires proper authority exercised by legitimate leaders.

• Right intention. Even with a just cause and rightful authority, motives matter. Augustine said what’s required is not merely bodily action but inward disposition. War must aim toward good and avoid evil. It cannot be driven by revenge, hatred, or a love of violence.

2. Suicide. Does taking your own life break the 6th commandment? Yes, it does. But where many people struggle is wondering whether someone who committed suicide can still be saved. Because we are created by God, our lives are not ultimately our own. We are accountable for how we treat ourselves.

But Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” That means no condemnation at all for the Christian. Past sins, future sins, and even a last, final sin cannot erase genuine faith and remove salvation.

A Christian who takes their own life does not suddenly fall outside the mercy of Jesus. Many people who die by suicide are not thinking clearly or rationally in those moments. Mental anguish can become overwhelming. Jesus is merciful. He knows our hearts.

If someone is not a Christian, then whether they die by suicide or natural causes, they remain under condemnation apart from Christ. The issue is not the method of death. The issue is saving faith in Jesus.

3. Abortion. This is deeply personal and deeply painful for many people. We don’t want to frame this as choosing between caring for women and caring for babies. Real-life situations are messy and heartbreaking. There are women facing impossible circumstances, tragic medical diagnoses, assault, abandonment, fear, and crushing pressure.

There are many thoughtful women who love Jesus and have had abortions. Maybe you’re listening and nobody knows your story. Maybe shame and guilt follow you constantly. Jesus does not want you crushed under condemnation. All of us carry seeds of anger, selfishness, and destruction. But Jesus’ life and death swallow up murder, failure, and sin. There is no condemnation for those who belong to him.

At the same time, we also need to address protecting unborn life. Tim Keller framed the abortion question has having three options: either the fetus is human, the fetus is not human, or you’re not sure. Using the doctrine of carefulness, if there’s even a possibility that a fetus is a human life, caution matters.

Long before ultrasounds or other technology, the Bible presents life as beginning at conception. Psalm 139 says, “You formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.” Jeremiah 1 says, “Before you were born, I consecrated you.”

Current science that shows fetal development, awareness, heartbeat, and movement supports the biblical truth that the fetus is a person with value, dignity, and God’s imprinted image. Anything that harms, weakens, or prevents the baby from growing and developing should be treated with extreme caution.

Share With You in the Weeds

When Awareness Meets Grace

One great step forward you can take is to become more aware. You need to become mindful and careful when it comes to the value of human life, but not to be a perfectionist or to feel moral superiority. Greater awareness without grace only produces anxiety or pride.

For the person with a dull conscience who rarely thinks about how their actions affect others, this commandment is a wake-up call. For the person with an overactive conscience who feels crushed by guilt, remember this image: your heart has both flowers and weeds in it.

One of the reasons we called this podcast “With You in the Weeds” comes from a quote by Teresa of Avila. She wrote about not trying to pull your own weeds by yourself but inviting Jesus into the garden with you. Jesus is not ashamed of you. He enters the weeds with you. He is your rescue.

You may have broken this commandment in obvious or non-obvious ways. But Jesus opens his arms and says, “Give your guilt to me. I’ve already carried that burden at the cross.” Following him is a lifelong journey of receiving that grace again and again.

Recommended Resource

Need support for an unintended pregnancy? Check out My Life Clinic in Columbia, MO.

Few commandments feel as personal as the fifth commandment: “Honor your father and your mother.” For some people, that command feels natural and healthy. For others, it raises difficult questions and painful memories.

In this perceptive episode of our ongoing series, 10 Keys to the Universe, Lynn and Shay thoughtfully explore the beauty, tension, and wisdom of showing honor to your parents—even when it feels challenging.

They’ll talk about the real meaning of the word ‘honor’; what honoring your parents does and doesn’t mean; the importance of healthy boundaries; and practical ways to show honor to your parents in everyday life.

As you listen to or read about this episode, you’ll understand what it means to honor your parents with truth and grace, and the reason that God rewards people who keep this commandment.

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Highlights from this Episode

The first four commandments deal primarily with our relationship with God. He should be first in our lives. But the last six commandments, beginning with the fifth one that we’re looking at today, deal with loving our neighbor. And loving our neighbor starts with loving our parents!

The relationship we have with our parents is the most important one of our lives. It’s through them that we learn what it is to have someone in authority over us. We learn to listen to people. We learn to do things that we don’t always want to do. We trust that our parents know better how to live life than we do. We learn respect and obedience and hopefully, experience love and protection.

As pastors and therapists, we often hear the question, “How do I honor imperfect parents?” The answer can differ. When you have good parents, it’s going to be relatively easy for you to do because you have warmth, affection, and appreciation in your heart towards them, and you will be willing to honor and dignify them in your adulthood.

But many of our clients are facing situations where their parents abandoned or abused them, were cruel or mean towards them, and even continue to be so in their old age. Parents who, instead of helping you grow, hindered your growth and even wounded you or brought harm and destruction into your life.

If you bristled at the title of this episode, we will address your situation and just what this commandment means for you—and hopefully provide some wisdom as to what honoring an evil or even a wicked parent might look like.

What’s Behind the Fifth Commandment?

In Exodus 20:12, God says, “Honor your father and your mother so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”

The fifth commandment is about how we are to treat our parents primarily when they’re older, which is really important for us because we live in a culture that worships youth. God is reminding his people to not forget their elders. But honoring your parents also applies to young people. That’s why the Apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 6:1-3, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”

The word honor has rich meaning in both Hebrew and Greek. In Hebrew, the root of the word ‘honor’ literally means heavy or weighty. To honor your parents is to treat them as having substance, significance, and worth. The root of the word ‘dishonor’ means the opposite: light or trivial. Based on this definition, dishonoring your parents means refusing to let them take up weight or space in your life.

The root of the word ‘honor’ in Greek carries the sense of valuing or placing a price on something. It’s where we get the idea of esteem. So to honor someone in this context is to ascribe worth to them. Interestingly, it’s the same word used when Scripture says to honor God. It’s a posture of recognizing dignity in another person.

Honoring your parents involves recognizing their dignity, significance, and worth, and treating them respect and esteem. In the words of John Calvin, “Honor requires three things: reverence, obedience, and gratitude.”

What Honoring Your Parents Does and Doesn’t Mean

As a child, you honor them by obeying them. That’s if what your parents ask you to do is not outside God’s will or moral law. When kids obey their parents, what they’re really doing is obeying God, because it’s God who placed their parents over them as their authority.

As a teenager, you want to listen to your parents and come to them with your questions. It might seem like you don’t need them anymore, but actually, you need them more than ever during this time. It’s easy to be swayed by social media, friends, and the world, and your parents can help you make good decisions.

When we honor someone we’re saying that they have significance, which means they are worthy of respect. So honoring our parents is the decision to treat them with dignity. It’s also a decision to give them our long-term loyalty. It also involves speaking to and about them respectfully, and being considerate of their needs, especially in old age.

Honoring them means acknowledging the role that they had in your life for both good and bad. It can be easy to blame them for all of your problems. There’s no doubt that our childhood wounds do shape our lives to a certain extent. But as we grow and mature, we are responsible our own decisions, and we have to be careful not to have bitterness or contempt for our parents.

Honor is not the same thing as trusting. It’s not allowing someone to control or manipulate you, nor is it pretending that harm didn’t happen or ignoring dysfunctional, hurtful patterns in your parents or family. Honor also does not mean close intimacy. You can honor someone from a distance. You can honor someone even while holding to some firm boundaries, like limiting the access that they have to your life and to your heart.

When Honoring Feels Complicated

If your parent has caused you significant pain, but has never apologized or showed signs of growth or change, then to honor them means being honest with them because it is not honoring to lie to your parents, or to placate them or make excuses for their misbehavior.

Sometimes we think honoring a hurtful parent means keeping your feelings to yourself. But honoring them may mean disrupting the dysfunctional patterns in your family. Just as Jesus honored people by speaking truth to them, you may need to honor your parent by speaking truth to them in a way that can lead to repentance.

Speaking the truth to a hurtful parent can go one of two ways. They will either be humbled and want to take responsibility for their behavior and repair the relationship. Or they will be defensive and grow more hardened to you. Talking to them requires wisdom, preparation, and support. We recommend finding a counselor or therapist to talk to about your specific situation. Another great resource is the book Bold Love by Dan Allender.

If you had parents who were or are abusive, you may not be able to speak truth to them. You may need to seek support from others and be able to tell your story to people who love and value you. In this case, the best way to honor your parents may simply be to think of them without anger or hatred.

Regardless of the type of parents you have, healthy boundaries are important to the relationship. In fact, boundaries in relationships are what lead to trust. For example, you can set a boundary that your parents not give you parenting advice unless you ask, and that they not step in and discipline your children. The more difficult and complicated your relationship with your parents is, the stronger your boundaries will need to be.

Honoring Your Parents in Practical Ways

God included ‘honor your parents’ in the Ten Commandments for a reason. He tells us that his favor and his blessing rest upon those who obey this command. If you want to have an abundant life, it starts by obeying the fifth commandment. Practically speaking, what does that look like?

1. Forgive your parents. There are no perfect parents. And no child gets everything they need during childhood. Honoring your parents may start by acknowledging their failures and entering into the process of forgiveness so that bitterness doesn’t take root in your soul.

2. Communicate with them regularly. That means calling them on their birthdays and anniversaries, letting them know that you’re thinking of them. It means including them in events going on in your own life, if possible.

3. Show gratitude. Sometimes you don’t realize how hard they worked or how much they sacrificed until you have children of your own. Make sure you say “Thank you” as often as you can.

4. Care for them. As they get older, you may need to be the person who steps in and helps your parents to make difficult decisions like where to live or how to manage their finances.

5. Respect your parents’ need to see themselves in you. If you’re a parent, you know that you want to feel like you had a hand in your child’s successes. So it’s important to give your own parents credit when you can, even if it’s for something seemingly small.

God’s Grace When You—or They—Fall Short

The truth about the fifth commandment is that we break it over and over. What a relief that God doesn’t accept us on the basis of our performance, but he accepts us on the basis of his son. What makes us beautiful to God is Jesus. He died in our place for our sins. He took the wrath we deserved, and he perfectly obeyed the law on our behalf, including the fifth commandment.

All parents will die someday, both difficult ones and good ones. And when they do, they will stand before God and give an account for how they parented. Jesus gives all of us a very strong warning in Matthew 18 when he says, “It would be better that a millstone be hung around your neck than for anyone to cause one of these little ones who believe in me to stumble.”

Parents who do anything that causes their child to be snared by sin or distorts their child’s capacity to grow up in wholeness are going to face severe judgment. This includes any and all types of abuse. God loves children and gives them to parents as a gift to be lovingly cared for and nurtured.

The other side of that is that someday you will give an account to God, not for what your parents did, but for how you responded to their failures: whether you chose forgiveness or grace; whether you held on to your bitterness and contempt or instead offered dignity, even when it wasn’t deserved.

If you have children of your own, someday you will be under their scrutiny because your kids will see your failures with clear eyes and they will have to decide how to honor you. On that day, you may find yourself desperately hoping that they extend to you the very grace that you struggled to extend to your own parents.

As you strive to adhere to this command, our hope and our prayer is that you experience abundant grace from the Lord to help you honor your imperfect parents.

Recommended Resources

Book: Bold Love by Dan Allender & Tremper Longman

Podcast: Engaging With Someone Who Has Harmed You by Adam Young

For many of us, that question feels less peaceful than it should. Our schedules are packed, our minds are noisy, and even when we try to rest, we carry the weight of everything left undone.

In this culturally-relevant episode of our ongoing series, 10 Keys to the Universe, Lynn and Austin take a closer look at the fourth commandment through the lens of the Old Testament and the light of the New Testament. They’ll explore why rest can be so difficult, the way God’s invitation is less about rest and more about trust, and practical ways you can incorporate a Sabbath mindset in your busy life.

The fourth commandment doesn’t just give permission to rest; it reveals who God is and who we are in relation to him. Long before rest became a luxury, it was a rhythm woven into creation itself, a gift meant to free people from striving and remind them they were never meant to carry life on their own. If slowing down doesn’t feel like an option, this conversation is for you.

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Highlights from this Episode

Today, we are talking about the 4th commandment as stated in Exodus 20:8-11:

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

What is the Sabbath?

Sabbath comes from the Hebrew word Shabbat which literally means “to stop”. It’s a day to stop working, wanting, and worrying. In the original context, this command was given to the people of Israel. And likely it was such a relief in many ways, given that they had been enslaved by the Egyptians for 400 years!

Exodus 1 says, “The Egyptians ruthlessly made the people of Israel work as slaves and made their lives bitter with hard service, in mortar and brick, and in all kinds of work in the field. In all their work they ruthlessly made them work as slaves.” This was difficult, exhausting, and often miserable.

But God rescued them out of their slavery, gave them the Ten Commandments, and reconstituted them as his chosen people in the world to be a mirror to the pagan nations, showing them who God was and encouraging others to follow him. One of the ways they could reflect God was by practicing the regular rhythm of the Sabbath.

By the way—God himself did this! After God created the entirety of the created world out of nothing, he rested. Genesis 2:1 says, “By the 7th day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the 7th day, he rested.”

God didn’t need to rest, but he chose to rest. This choice was to be reflected and practiced by his people, the nation of Israel. Isaiah 40:28 makes clear he does not faint or grow weary. God rested to set a pattern for us to follow, and to remind us that our lives depend not on our work but on his. That’s the theological heart of the whole commandment right there.

You’ve probably tried to rest and ended up overwhelmed by the to-do lists of life: the laundry, get the kids off to this event, remember the Zoom meeting, plan what to bring for dinner for your small group. Maybe you don’t even have the luxury of a day off because you’ve got to work two jobs, or overtime to pay the bills, and you’re scraping by just to make ends meet.

We can often see ourselves in the attitudes and behaviors of the ancient Israelites. Just like us, they knew how important it is to rest. And yet when they tried it, they often felt overwhelmed by the things they felt like they needed to do. They were tempted to forego the regular rhythm of a Sabbath and get work done.

Does the Sabbath Apply Today?

While the command to “Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy,” isn’t repeated explicitly in the New Testament, Jesus frequently rested and encouraged others to do that same.

Think about the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38: “As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’”

Most women can relate to Martha. They’re the ones in the kitchen or taking care of the house, seeing all the things that need to be done. However, Jesus responds this way: “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

This story puts two different ways of living and being in the world before us, and forces us to ask ourselves who we are, and what tendencies we default towards:

• Are you like Mary, who is willing to stop what she’s doing, rest at the feet of Jesus, and listen and learn from him?

• Are you like Martha, who has a great desire to serve, and yet is unwilling to rest because responsibilities and tasks need to get done first?

Common Reasons Why We Resist Rest

1. We love efficiency and productivity, partly because of our desires and partly thanks to our environment. In our performance-based culture, action is rewarded. There are financial incentives, but also respect, reputation, and power.

2. We don’t want to be seen as weak or lazy. Whether we say it out loud or not, our value as human beings feels tied to how productive we are on any given day.

3. Fear that things will fall apart if we don’t rest. Many times, our fear drives us to be busy and productive because other people—or even circumstances beyond our control—depend on us.

4. Fear of getting left behind or overlooked. Busyness has become a status symbol that implies you are “scarce and in demand”. This perpetual motion means that slowing down feels like a threat to your self-worth or professional relevance.

5. Not wanting to say ‘no’ to anything or anyone. Sometimes saying ‘no’ feels like you’re letting people down. So we don’t carve out time in our schedules for dedicated rest because we’ve said ‘yes’ to everyone and everything.

6. Slowing down means self-reflection, and that’s scary. Being alone with your thoughts, and no distractions, means you might have to deal with past pain, trauma, or other hurts of life. You may feel conviction and realize that your spiritual life is not what it should be.

4 Pillars of a Theology of Rest

Here are four things the Sabbath invites us to rest in; pay attention to which one lands hardest for you. Because that’s probably the one that has the most to say to you right now.

1. Rest in God’s Provision
It is possible that you don’t actually trust God to provide if you rest? When our worth gets tied to our output, we literally cannot afford to rest. The belief becomes, “If I stop producing, I stop mattering.” The Sabbath is God saying, “Put it down. I’ve got this. Your provision does not depend on your performance,” and for many of us, that’s genuinely hard to believe.

2. Rest in God’s Power
This one is a little uncomfortable to say out loud, but it needs to be named. Many of us are exhausted because we’re convinced that if we stop managing things, everything will fall apart. Underneath is the belief that we’re the ones holding everything together. The Sabbath gently asks: Do you believe God has power over the things you’re gripping so tightly? Because if he does, you can put them down for a day.

3. Rest in God’s Promises
This hits especially hard for high-achievers or anyone who grew up where love felt conditional. The question underneath is: Do you believe God’s promises never change, no matter how productive you are? Do you actually believe his love is there even when you do nothing to earn it? In that sense, the Sabbath becomes a weekly practice of receiving love you didn’t earn. And for many of us, that’s deeply counterintuitive.

4. Rest in God’s Plan
Much of our striving and inability to slow down comes from anxiety about the future. Life feels uncertain, so we cope by staying in motion, because motion feels like control. But if you truly believe God has a real, active plan for your life, then you can put things down. The Sabbath teaches us to release the illusion of control before we desperately need to.

Practical Ways to Rest Your Body, Mind, and Spirit

Body

• Pay attention: Notice when you’re stressed or fatigued

• Sleep: Think about sleep quality and quantity

• Nutrition: Pay attention to the foods you are consuming

• Exercise: Helps combat disease, depression, anxiety and mood disorders

• Breathing: Find videos on box breathing, deep breathing, and mindful breathing

Mind

• Be aware: Realize that your mind is a battleground

• Quiet: Cut out the noise and filter your inputs

• Unplug: Turn off notifications, limit screen time, unsubscribe from emails

• Spend time in nature: Creation is restoration

• Get creative: Read the Bible and other great books; find life-giving hobbies

Spirit

• Embrace solitude and silence: Sit alone with your thoughts

• Worship: Listen to worship music and praise God wholeheartedly

• Express gratitude: Keep a gratitude journal; regularly give thanks for blessings

• Sabbath as a weekly practice: Protect one day and dedicate it to God

• Prayer: Talk regularly with God

A Daily Prayer for Rest

You may want to start your day with a short prayer like this one:

Lord, I feel stressed, overburdened and burned out. I don’t have time to rest. There’s so much I need to do. Help me lay down my burdens at your feet. Help me to trust that you are near. Help me to receive your love and acknowledge your presence at every moment. I believe that you have a plan for my life, and that your power is perfected in my weakness. I want to find comfort and refuge in you. Be with me today and allow my mind, body and spirit to rest in your promises. Amen.

At the end of the day, the Sabbath is an invitation to rest and to remember that your life depends not on your work but on God’s. It gently exposes the beliefs underneath our busyness: that our worth is tied to our output, that everything will fall apart if we let go, that love must be earned, and that the future is all on us.

In place of those fears, God offers something better: rest in his provision, his power, his promises, and his plan. This doesn’t mean nothing matters; it just means it’s not all on you. As you practice the Sabbath consistently, you will release the illusion of control and learn, slowly but surely, how to truly rest.

For most of us the third commandment to “not take the Lord’s name in vain” feels like a gentle reminder to watch our language, avoid the OMGs, and then move on. It’s easy to disregard this command as not very important.

In this convicting episode of our ongoing series, 10 Keys to the Universe, Shay examines the third commandment to see how it applies to our lives today. You won’t be surprised to find out that it’s still relevant, but you may not be aware of ways in which you break this commandment without realizing it.

When you misuse God’s name, you diminish his power, authority, and the very essence of his being. God’s name isn’t just a meaningless label, but a revelation of his character, faithfulness and covenant love. Speaking God’s name carelessly or flippantly is an offense to his identity: the great I AM.

At the end of this episode, you’ll understand why God’s name is the most powerful name in the world, and why your words and actions should reflect his glory rather than diminish it.

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Highlights from this Episode

Today I have the privilege of talking about the third commandment. If you don’t remember exactly what the Bible says, I’ll read it for you: Exodus 20:7 states, “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.”

The first commandment prohibits worshiping false gods; you can understand why that’s a big deal to God. The second prohibits worshiping God in the wrong way: no idols or graven images. That commandment makes sense too; an invisible God has the right to determine how he is to be made visible or not. Those are big commands and naturally, big offenses.

By comparison, the third commandment can feel low key: watch your words, avoid saying “Oh my God,” and don’t swear. But taking the Lord’s name in vain is far more serious, and far broader, than that.

More Than Just Words

The Hebrew word shav, translated as “vain”, means empty, worthless, or false. So this commandment forbids any use of God’s name that treats it as weightless, trivial, or tied to wrong purposes. We often reduce this to simply avoiding profanity. And while verses like Ephesians 4:29 warn against corrupting and unwholesome talk, this command reaches much deeper.

This beautiful prayer gives an idea of just how broad the third commandment is:

O Lord my God, I confess that I have not honored your name. When facing disappointment, I accuse your character, often under my breath or by withdrawing from you. You want me to cry out to you in time of need, but I expect very little of your name.

Sometimes I gravitate towards only one of your many names, avoiding the parts of your nature that aren’t useful to me. At times, I love you in name only, having God on my lips, but keeping my heart and my life far from you. I fail to honor the vows that I’ve taken in your name, to my spouse, the church community, or the offices I hold in the church or workplace.

At times, I invoke your name or your word to defend a personal cause or opinion, when really I just want to shield myself from criticism. And I have dishonored you before others. Like Peter, I deny you when bearing the name of Christ costs me. I obsess over preserving my reputation before others, ever striving to make a name for myself, but care very little for yours.

To my shame, you are reviled by many because of my hypocrisy and my self-righteousness. I need Jesus. Father, have mercy on me through the one who died, rose and was exalted and given the name that is above every name.

Consider how this might show up in your own life: accusing God’s character when you’re disappointed; expecting very little from him; or gravitating toward only the parts of his nature that feel useful. Loving him “in name only,” with God on your lips but your heart far from him. Breaking vows made in his name—to a spouse, a church, or a calling. Invoking God to defend a personal opinion, or to shield yourself from criticism.

Why God’s Name Carries Weight

The third commandment is the only one that carries this explicit warning: “The Lord will not hold him guiltless.” Why is this such a serious matter? It’s serious because God’s name is not a small thing; it’s bound up with who he is. In Exodus 3, when Moses asks God his name, God responds, “I AM WHO I AM.” His name reveals his very being as self-existent, sovereign, and faithful.

The third commandment also forbids false oaths, which means swearing by God’s name in ways that are untrue or insincere (Leviticus 19). And it warns against claiming to speak on God’s behalf when he has not spoken, something Scripture repeatedly confronts in false prophets and empty religious leadership.

To take his name in vain is not just a speech issue; it’s a relational one. It violates the covenant relationship we have with him. We understand this instinctively in human relationships. When someone gives their word and then casually breaks their promise or says, “It didn’t mean anything,” it deeply wounds the other person. Why? Because names, promises, and identity are never neutral. They carry weight.

The same is true, even more so, with God. Scripture consistently exalts his name: “How majestic is your name” (Psalm 8), “Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name” (Psalm 29), “Hallowed be your name” (Matthew 6), “There is no other name…by which we must be saved” (Acts 4), and “At the name of Jesus every knee should bow” (Philippians 2).

How Might You Take God’s Name in Vain?

• You do it when you attach God’s name to what is false and untrue, like lying under oath, exaggerating truth, or using spiritual language to give your words more authority than they deserve.

• You do it when you claim divine authority for your opinions or plans, especially in areas where Scripture does not speak clearly. Saying, “If you were a real Christian, you would think this way,” or casually claiming, “God told me,” without humility or caution belittles God’s name.

• You do it through careless speech, when you use God’s name in anger, as a throwaway phrase, or without reverence. This reflects an attitude that treats the name of our Creator, Savior, and King as common. This includes favoring entertainment (movies, TV, memes) that use God’s name carelessly as well.

• You do it by using God’s name for personal gain: money, influence, or reputation. Using spiritual platforms, language, or identity to advance yourself while your heart is disengaged.

• You do it by being phony—going through the motions in worship, singing or praying words you don’t mean, letting your lips move while your heart drifts.

• And most importantly, you take his name in vain when your life contradicts the name you bear as one of his children.

Living Like You Bear His Name

As Christians, we represent Jesus to the world. Our actions, words, and attitudes reflect on him. God makes this point in Ezekiel 36, where he announces to the people that he’s going to do a new thing: “I’m going to put my spirit in your heart and move you to follow my decrees, because you bear my name.”

So you have to remember that others are watching you. There is both privilege and responsibility that comes with bearing the name of Christ. People may not expect perfection, but they do notice authenticity.

Colossians 3:17 brings it all together: “Whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Obeying the third commandment means living all of life under his name, with reverence, honesty, and integrity.

His Gift to You

Jesus is the only person who perfectly “hallowed” the Father’s name. And it’s the same name he gives us when he adopts us as sons and daughters! It’s a gift to you despite the many ways you stain the beauty of his character. In other words, we take his name in vain, yet he puts his name on us. He does this because of his grace and mercy.

So as you go about your week, keep this in mind: God’s name isn’t something to use lightly, but something to honor and revere. The goal isn’t perfection, but a growing awareness that his name is on you in everything you say and do. And when you fall short—and you will—remember, you’re not cast off; you’re covered by grace. Ask for his help, stay close to him, and let your life reflect the weight and beauty of the name you bear.

From the very beginning, God sets himself apart from every other so-called god. While ancient cultures were filled with competing deities, the God of Israel makes a bold claim: he alone is God over all people for all times and places. If that’s true, then his commands aren’t situational or cultural—they’re universally binding.

That’s a claim that can feel uncomfortable, even offensive, but it forces us to wrestle with a deeper question: where do our moral standards actually come from?

In this discerning episode of our new series, 10 Keys to the Universe, Lynn and Shay take a look at the first and second commandments and what it looks like to live them out in today’s world. It turns out that idolatry isn’t just an ancient problem. It shows up in the things we rely on for meaning, security, and identity. Whether it’s approval, control, or success, these “functional gods” promise a lot but leave us empty.

Together, the first and second commandments confront the question of who we worship and how—and ultimately point us back to a God who cannot be reduced, replaced, or replicated. Take some time to listen or read along and consider: who or what is at the center of your life?

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Highlights from this Episode

In our new series, we’re going to be walking through the Ten Commandments and making the case that these ancient words are relevant to your life today. As our series title implies, the commandments really are “keys to the universe”. They’re not arbitrary rules or cultural opinions. God intended them to be for our well-being and flourishing, and you’re going to be blessed if you follow them.

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself, “What would the world actually look like if everyone kept the Ten Commandments?” We may gripe and complain about rules and laws and regulations but think about what an amazing place the world would be if these 10 rules were obeyed.

You wouldn’t need locks on your door. You wouldn’t need fraud protection or defense budgets or contracts or courts or prisons. The entire architecture of social distrust that we’ve built and spend trillions of dollars maintaining exists largely because these 10 rules are being constantly broken everywhere.

Studying the Ten Commandments is important because the biblical definition of freedom is not ‘doing whatever you want’. Too often the commandments are seen as constraints, as if God’s ways will keep us in servitude and from realizing our dreams and reaching our potential. We forget that God means to give us abundant life.

Obeying the commandments is not how we get God to love us and accept us. We obey because he loves and accepts us. That’s the order in the Old Testament too. In Exodus 19, God identifies the Israelites as a kingdom of priests and a holy nation, set apart by his grace. Then in Exodus 20, he gives them the commandments. As Christians, we too are a kingdom of priests and a holy nation, and we too must look different and have rules the world doesn’t understand.

Love, Law, and Worship

People may say that the commandments are outdated because they were given in the Old Testament, but that when Jesus came, he was about love and compassion and grace. But all of the commandments, except for the Sabbath, are repeated in the New Testament as well, summarized by Jesus’ command to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself.”

Jesus’ statement accomplished a few things. First, he simplified the law by summarizing it into two basic principles. Then he unified the law because he said that all of the commandments are designed to establish relational love and human flourishing. Last, he deepened the meaning of the law because he moved it from external behavior to matters of the heart.

There are two words that will anchor us throughout this entire series. The first word is worship, which is to honor, adore, give reverence to, or give yourself over to something. We are created to worship, but the fundamental question of your life is, “Who or what will you worship?”

The second word is idol. Biblically, an idol is any person, thing, desire, or idea, whether it’s tangible or intangible, that receives the devotion, trust, awe, and ultimate allegiance that belongs to God. An idol, by definition, is the object of disordered worship. Since humans are inescapably worshiping creatures, the first two commandments are foundational in helping us worship correctly.

Worshipping God Alone

The first commandment says, “You shall have no other gods before me.” What are the implications of this commandment and how can you keep it in today’s world?

First of all, God is saying it’s possible to be a sincere worshiper yet still worship the wrong God. That’s the reason for the very first commandment. God is not interested in being one god among many. Lots of ancient cultures had impressive-sounding gods and goddesses. What set the Israelites apart from the other nations was that their God, Yahweh, demanded to be worshiped alone as the only God, the God of all gods.

Second, if there’s one God and he’s supreme over all places, people, territories, and tribes, then the rest of the commandments aren’t just for some people in some times and places, depending on their circumstances. The other commandments are true for everyone, everywhere.

This exclusive claim of Christianity can feel offensive. As Jesus himself said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life, and no one gets to God except through me.” When God rallied the Israelites and told them that he was the one true God, it was just as radical then as it seems to be today. And the other nations weren’t happy about it.

Think about the reason behind this. A truly authoritative moral law cannot exist without a divine moral lawgiver. Someone outside of time and space must speak into this world to tell us how to live. If our moral obligations are to have any force or binding obligation behind them, they must rest on something more than just majority opinion or our own personal sense of right or wrong. In fact, there aren’t even categories like “right” or “wrong” without an independent law-giver.

Exclusive Love and Worship

How do we keep the first commandment? First, we choose to love God exclusively. The first commandment is predicated on what the Lord did for the Israelites in Egypt. He saved them. He rescued them. He delivered them. He has a claim over them. When God says, “I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt,” in Exodus 22, he is reminding them of the plagues and the Red Sea.

In other words, he’s saying to them, “Why would you trust any other so-called God?” Idolatry or worship of another God is in some sense like adultery. Like bringing another person into a marriage. That never seems to work out!

In addition, don’t misunderstand the phrase, ‘no other gods before me’. God is not saying that there are a bunch of gods out there and we should pick him. He’s saying there are no other gods besides me.

The second way to follow the first commandment is to be aware of those idols or those false gods that we worship. The late Tim Keller made a list of idols of the heart when he taught through the book of Romans. As they’re defined, examine your own heart for any of these:

• Approval idolatry: Life only has meaning if I’m loved and respected by a certain person or group.

• Comfort idolatry: Life only has meaning if I have a certain socioeconomic level or quality of life.

• Control idolatry: Life only has meaning if I can have mastery over my life in a particular area.

• Work idolatry: Life only has meaning if I’m highly productive or successful or at least seen that way.

• Individual person idolatry: Life only has meaning if this one person in my life is happy with me.

• Ideology idolatry: Life only has meaning if my political party or social cause is gaining influence or power.

In and of themselves, these can all be good things, but when idolized they make terrible gods. They always let you down. You can get the money, win the election, achieve the promotion, and it still doesn’t satisfy. That’s because these false gods are dangerous; when pursued at all costs they lead to the denigration of human life. We think we’re in control when we build an idol, but how could anything we create with our hands or minds be more powerful than we are?

Isaiah 44 paints this picture so vividly: a man cuts down a tree, uses half to warm himself by the fire, and turns the other half into a god and bows to it, saying, “Deliver me.” It’s absurd. It’s not alive, not breathing, completely powerless. Yet we do this all the time when we worship idols of success, happiness, love, and even ourselves. The result is anxiety, anger, unhappiness, and broken relationships. Idols always over-promise and under-deliver.

A God Beyond Images and Statues

The second commandment says, “Do not make a carved image or any likeness of anything in creation and bow down to it.” The first commandment tells us who to worship; the second tells us how. So while the first prohibits worshiping other gods, the second prohibits worshiping the one true God in a way that misrepresents who he is. To think of God as having a physical form like something in his creation is to diminish and demean him.

And yet we see how quickly God’s people fell into this. Every other nation had physical representations of their gods, so the Israelites wanted to be like them. Moses goes up the mountain, and when he’s gone too long, they gather their gold and form a golden calf—not necessarily thinking it was God, but that it represented him. And God is furious, because it reduces him to something created. Moses makes them burn it, grind it down, mix it with water, and drink it. They had to taste the bitterness of their idolatry. It’s a clear picture: idol worship always leads to bitterness. It never satisfies.

The ancient world made gods out of everything, but God’s people were meant to be different. “In the beginning, God created.” He is separate from his creation. He can’t be captured in an image or form. And yet, over and over, whether it’s the golden calf, the ark treated like a good luck charm, or the temple itself, we see people trying to approach God on their own terms.

Worship Without Images or Idols

Faith comes from hearing and reading the word of God, not seeing physical representations. The one exception would be the Lord’s Supper. Jesus commanded us to do it in remembrance of his sacrifice. But the bread and wine are representations. They are not special on their own, and they do not become the body and blood of Christ. We don’t venerate or worship the elements.

Keeping the second commandment today means guarding against images of God both external and imagined. Remember, God is a jealous God, so we must avoid infusing any created things with divine eminence and spiritual efficacy. We shouldn’t focus on icons or images during prayer, let alone kissing or kneeling before an image or a statue. If we bow or pray to the image or relic or icon, or think that we need it to be closer to God, that’s a violation of the second commandment.

The Ultimate Question

The first two commandments are really asking one question and it’s the most important question that you will ever answer. Who will you worship and how will you worship? We encourage you to use these diagnostic questions to examine your own heart. It’s the starting point for aligning your heart with God’s commands.

You’re trying to make the right decisions, but everything feels a little unclear and maybe even overwhelming. And in those moments, there are a lot of voices telling you, “This is the way forward.”

But what if God has already given you something trustworthy to guide you?

Welcome to our new series called 10 Keys To the Universe, an examination of the Ten Commandments and how they relate to our lives today. In this foundational episode, John and Austin will take a fresh look at the Ten Commandments and how they function as a compass for navigating the unpredictable and painful wilderness of life.

They’ll explain how the commandments protect you, bring you real freedom, help move forward what God is doing in the world, and even expose what’s going on in your own heart in a way that leads you back to grace.

And then they’ll land on the most important piece: what Jesus has to do with all of this. Because once you understand how he fulfilled the law, it completely changes how you see the commandments: not as something you have to do, but something you get to do.

Listen now

Highlights from this Episode

Broadly speaking, when you’re in the wilderness—it’s not fun! You’re lost, tired, overwhelmed; you’re looking for perspective, a next step, a way to get help. For you, maybe navigating the wilderness looks like trying figure out an issue with your kids or your marriage. Maybe it’s mental health issues or chronic illness. Maybe it’s healing from childhood wounds or dealing with a difficult family member.

For as long as there have been people, there have been different “compasses” that promise a way out of the wilderness. Some of the ones available today are:

• substances or processes (addictions, basically)

• influencers and social media

• the health industry

• the self-help industry

• ChatGPT(!)

In the midst of all of those, God has a “compass” for you as well: the Ten Commandments. He gave the commandments to the Israelites when they were in a literal wilderness. They had been enslaved for 400 years in Egypt. God freed the Israelites from slavery and helped them cross the Red Sea. It was during this time that Moses went up Mt. Sinai and God gave him the Ten Commandments.

Because the Ten Commandments were originally given to the Israelites thousands of years ago, you may not think about them very much. You may even wonder if they have any application to your life today. But the Ten Commandments aren’t something to dismiss, or gloss over, or relegate to your spiritual life on Sunday. Instead, they are meant to saturate and permeate your perspective throughout the entirety of your week!

The Ten Commandments have 5 different purposes, and once you know those purposes, you’ll get a sense of why they’re worth following.

Why the Ten Commandments Still Matter

1. The Ten Commandments offer protection

Imagine that you’re living in a lawless country where the government has been overthrown, and there are multiple roving bands who are pillaging and dominating the countryside, harming others. You’re hoping that someone will establish a stable society with laws set up to defend the weak and powerless and punish the offenders.

This is what the Ten Commandments were to the newly formed nation of Israel. They were foundational and clear markers of what life should look like among the people, and they didn’t bring people down; they offered the Israelites protection. Likewise, the Ten Commandments today offer guidelines that make for a better world, and even non-Christians can recognize that following them benefits society.

2. The Ten Commandments offer freedom

Where is God? When you’re not sure, you look in odd places: the energy surge of a shopping binge, the thrill of drinking or gambling. Of course, God is not found there. What is there is a feeling of the transcendent, a dopamine surge of glory that elevates you beyond your momentary pain. It’s an elusive and fleeting feeling of control. This is your equivalent of a golden calf, but it never brings true fulfillment.

Every healthy relationship requires honesty, and your relationship with God is no different. The Ten Commandments are one of the best facilitators of honesty with God. Why? These commands are like a lamp on a dark path, showing you what loving God and your neighbor looks like and ushering you towards the bright path of love. Without that lamp, you would end up in the woods.

3. The Ten Commandments are a blueprint to further God’s mission.

A thread that holds the entirety of the Bible together is the fact that God is on a mission. Genesis 12:1-3 says, “​​The Lord had said to Abram, ‘Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.’”

God is on a mission to bless his entire creation, which is needed because sin has infected it. How is God going to do this? Well, as the story unfolds, the Ten Commandments are a foundational and significant means by which God will bless others: bless the Israelites and bless the surrounding pagan nations through the behavior of the Israelites.

For example, look at the 4^th commandment: Honor the Sabbath day and keep it holy. Israel was meant to rest because God did the same thing on the seventh day of creation. Imagine you live next door to a family who rests regularly, and how appealing that would be! Seeing the Israelites rest gave the pagan nations a tangible glimpse of what life looks like following God. The hope was to persuade these nations to turn from their idolatry and follow the one true God.

4. The Ten Commandments help restrain sin.

The Ten Commandments serve as a mirror of your heart, revealing how miserably you fail in this endeavor to love others, and how desperately you need the grace of Jesus. Truth be told, you’d never admit this about yourself unless this ego-piercing reflection is placed right before your eyes. You have a great need to cultivate honesty with God and the commandments help you to be honest with God about the state of your heart.

The commandments provide ‘common grace’ (available to all, not just Christians) to keep this sinful world from being as bad as it could be. If you want to respond to God and others with love, they provide a way to be do that. If you want to live in a world characterized by God’s love, you have the commandments as a guide. You will fail to reflect the commandments perfectly, but you will receive God’s grace and mercy over and over again.

5. The Ten Commandments provide a window into God’s character.

Jerram Barrs wrote a book called Delighting in the Law of the Lord where he makes the point that the Ten Commandments are not a burdensome set of rules, but a “window into God’s character” and a guide to the good life.

He says, “Through the 10 commandments, God is shown to be authoritative, holy, deserving of exclusive worship, concerned with the honor of his name, a provider of rest, and a defender of life, marriage, property, and truth.”

Fulfilled by Jesus, Lived by You

Jesus fulfilled the commandments by living a sinless life of perfect obedience, embodying the intent of the law through love, and serving as the perfect, atoning sacrifice. Rather than abolishing the law, he “filled it to the full,” completing its purpose and establishing a new covenant.

In Matthew 5:17-19, Jesus says:

Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

You may be wondering if you have to obey the Ten Commandments. You don’t have to, because Jesus fulfilled the law. When God looks at anyone who claims to love and serve and trust in Jesus, he doesn’t see your failures, but he sees Jesus. As he said of Jesus in Luke 3, “This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased.”

If you’re relieved to hear that you don’t have to follow the Ten Commandments, then you’ve missed it...while you don’t have to, you get to. You want to follow them when you realize how good, faithful, pleasing, and trustworthy they are and how they reveal God’s character and his mission for the world.

Because of Jesus, you’re not trying to earn anything by following God’s commands. You’re invited into a way of living that’s good, freeing, and deeply rooted in God’s character. As you go about your week, don’t just leave this as an idea—start to see the commandments as a guide you actually get to follow that will bring blessing in your life.

We designed these episodes to be useful espresso shots full of wisdom that will leave you with a greater sense of confidence to handle all that life is throwing at you.

How to Manage a Panic Attack

In this practical start to our series, Austin delves into panic attacks: what they are, why they feel so intense, and, most importantly, what you can do in the moment when one hits. He’ll help you understand what’s happening in your body, learn practical tools to calm your system, and remember that you’re not alone in the middle of it.

Listen: Manage a Panic Attack

Read: Manage a Panic Attack

How to Handle Unanswered Prayer

In this powerful conversation, Shay sits down with his father-in-law, Pastor Erwin Lutzer, about the discouragement of unanswered prayer. When your earnest prayers seem to go unanswered, it’s difficult to comprehend how God’s “no” might serve a greater unseen purpose. It turns out that God may accomplish more through unanswered prayer than through the answers you long for.

Listen: Unanswered Prayer

Read: Unanswered Prayer

How to Deal With Difficult People

Do you have a difficult person in your life? In this perceptive episode, John shares three effective, biblically-based strategies for dealing with difficult people. He’ll also explain God’s different responses to repentant and unrepentant people, why gentleness works in some situations but not in others, and how boundaries can actually be a form of kindness.

Listen: Difficult People

Read: Difficult People

How to Handle Stress

Chronic stress can lead to burnout, cynicism, numbness, or feeling disconnected from yourself and from God. Listen in as Lynn shares 3 intentional shifts you can make right now so you can move out of survival mode and into a more grounded, present, and renewed way of living.

Listen: Handle Stress

Read: Handle Stress

How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You

One of the Bible’s hardest commands is forgiving someone who has hurt you. Jesus’ words from the Lord’s Prayer, “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us” sounds good, but it can feel impossible in the face of a painful offense. In this episode, Austin will encourage and equip you to enter a process of forgiveness that leads to freedom and hope, one step at a time.

Listen: Forgiveness

Read: Forgiveness

How to Know God’s Will

Modern life bombards you with endless choices (career, marriage, major life moves), often leaving you fearful you will miss God’s “perfect” path. But overanalyzing every detail and possible option can keep you paralyzed with anxiety or regret.

Drawing from insights in the book Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung, Shay will walk you through three biblical categories of God’s will and then get practical about two of the biggest decisions you might face: what career path to follow and who to marry.

Listen: God's Will

Read: God's Will

How to Handle Anger Towards God

Have you ever felt angry with God… and then immediately felt guilty for even thinking that way? You’ll want to listen in as John talks about what it means to feel anger toward God and why bringing that anger into the light might be one of the most transformative steps in your spiritual life.

You’ll discover why it’s okay to be angry, the way that anger protests and protects, what anger can teach you about your soul, and how to use lament to communicate your anger to God in a healthy way.

Listen: Anger Towards God

Read: Anger Towards God

How to Accept Estranged Relationships

Estrangement is one of the most painful and misunderstood experiences in family life, yet it’s far more common than most people realize. In this thoughtful episode, Lynn walks through what estrangement actually is, why it happens, and how it impacts a family on multiple levels.

She’ll share 5 hard but essential truths for anyone navigating estrangement, including why reconciliation isn’t guaranteed, how to navigate the feelings of grief and loss, and insight about the ripple effects of estrangement.

Listen: Estranged Relationships

Read: Estranged Relationships

How to Handle Singleness

In this compassionate episode, Austin talks about how to navigate singleness right where you are—rather than feeling like your life is on hold. He’ll share 5 practical ways to approach singleness with honesty, courage, and faith. As you listen, you’ll get perspective and wisdom that will help you hold the multi-faceted experience of being single while simultaneously loving, following, and trusting Jesus.

Listen: Singleness

Read: Singleness

How to Respond When Your Pastor Fails

In this timely episode, Lynn and Shay discuss the many and varied responsibilities of ministry, the complicated dynamics that many pastors face as they gain success and notoriety, and how Christian leaders can benefit from personal therapy and soul work.

They’ll also talk about 5 ways to respond when your pastor fails, including acknowledging your feelings and seeking support, exercising discernment about who you follow, and remembering that God’s work through the church cannot be thwarted even through imperfect people.

Listen: Respond When Your Pastor Fails

Read: Respond When Your Pastor Fails

How to Grow Through Sadness

You may have a complicated relationship with sadness. Perhaps you grew up in a home where feeling sad was considered disrespectful or distressing. Maybe sadness was viewed as a weakness or only seen as a problem to solve.

In this perceptive episode, John will help you understand sadness better: why it feels so disorienting and uncomfortable; how Jesus is the ultimate example of engaging with grief from a place of strength; and the reason sadness isn’t the enemy of healing, but the path to it.

Listen: Grow Through Sadness

Read: Grow Through Sadness

How to Spend Eternity with God

In this pivotal episode, Shay contemplates one of the most important questions you will ever face: How do you spend eternity with God? And more importantly, can you know if you’ve gotten the answer wrong?

Using Jesus’ parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector in Luke 18, Shay unpacks why the path to God isn’t secured by achievement, but by humility. This is a story that flips our instincts upside down, because the one who goes home right with God isn’t the one who had his act together. It’s the one who showed up with nothing.

Listen: Spend Eternity with God

Read: Spend Eternity with God

How to Manage a Narcissist

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling confused, exhausted, and somehow convinced that everything was your fault—even though you couldn’t quite explain why? If so, this episode is for you.

As we end this series, Lynn addresses one of the most requested and personally meaningful topics she’s tackled: how to manage a narcissist in your life. She’ll give you 4 strategies to help you protect your peace, stay grounded in truth, and navigate one of the hardest relational dynamics without losing yourself in it.

Listen: How to Manage a Narcissist

Read: How to Manage a Narcissist