What happens when faith, grief, and alcohol collide?
In this heart-wrenching but ultimately hopeful episode of our ongoing series, Dealing with Your Addictions, radio personality Aric Bremer shares his journey from loss and loneliness to recovery and connection.
Aric recounts his 25-year struggle with alcohol, which intensified after the tragic loss of his bonus daughter, Hallie, in 2022. Drinking to numb grief strained his relationships, but naming his struggle (“If you can name it, you can tame it”) led to sobriety 13 months ago.
Aric’s choice to stop drinking was driven by a commitment to his wife Angie, their kids, and his faith, along with a growing awareness of how much he had to lose if he didn’t make a change.
Listen in as Aric talks to John and Shay about sobriety, faith, and the hard-won wisdom of knowing when enough is enough:
How alcohol provided an escape from feelings of grief and loss
The wake-up call that inspired him to leave drinking behind
How faith and connection led to transformation and freedom
A question that everyone can ask themselves about drinking
Although you may not be ready to go alcohol-free, you will be encouraged to reflect on alcohol’s role in your life and consider: am I ready to be on a path of health and healing?
Highlights of Aric’s Conversation with John & Shay
John: Last week, Austin and I explored the question, “Do I have a drinking problem?” This week, we have a special guest, Aric Bremer, a famous radio and podcast personality in mid-Missouri. He and his wife, Angie, host the number-one podcast in Columbia, Missouri: Blended, Blessed, and Always a Mess. We’re thrilled to have him with us today.
Aric: I’m glad you said “Mid-Missouri-famous,” otherwise you’re overselling it! We started the podcast to create a community for blended families like ours. Then we lost our oldest daughter, Hallie, which shifted the focus to dealing with grief and loss along with blending our family.
Shay: Today we’re asking, “Should Christians practice total abstinence from alcohol?” The answer varies from person to person and depends on your traits, history, and family background. Many Christians drink moderately, and that can even set a good example to unbelievers. While the Bible forbids drunkenness, drinking itself isn’t condemned.
Proverbs 20:1 says, “Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise.” That’s a good summary of our discussion today: know yourself, be honest, and make wise choices. Many people realize that they are alcoholics or they’re on the road to alcoholism. And the wise and godly thing for them to do is to practice total abstinence.
John: Abstinence is one path, but the goal isn’t to pressure anyone. It’s about wisdom—looking at your patterns, costs, and motivations. And being intentional and honest.
Shay: Too often, people aren’t honest with themselves about their drinking. Aric, we want your story to be the driver of today’s episode. How did you come to the realization that alcohol was a problem in your life?
Aric: When I tell people about my journey, about being 13 months sober now, I know it’s not for everyone. Like you said, it’s about wisdom. I drank for 25 years, from age 18 to 43. For me, the Lord was working on my heart, showing me alcohol was a barrier to a full relationship with him.
Shay: Can you give us some background on your faith journey?
Aric: I grew up Catholic, left in 2008, and started attending The Crossing. I met you early on, Shay, and now you have been a friend for about 17 years. My faith journey has been a process, full of mistakes, shame, and guilt—but also redemption. By 2019, after meeting Angie, I felt like I was on a redemptive path, putting the pieces together despite ongoing struggles with sin.
Things were going well. Angie had three kids, I had three kids, and we blended them—we were like a modern Brady Bunch. We called them “The Crew”. We married around the start of COVID. I felt like the undeserving recipient of so many unbelievable blessings.
Then tragedy struck our home. On November 27th, 2022, our oldest daughter, my wife’s firstborn Hallie, was tragically shot and then died two days later. A couple of weeks after that, my wife and I visited you, John. It was pretty early in the grief journey to start counseling. But we had no idea what we were dealing with.
John: When you do grief counseling in a crisis like that, you help people understand the stages they’re going to go through, so they don’t just feel like they’re floating around not knowing what’s going on.
Aric: My wife pretty much immediately started abstaining from alcohol at that point. She was feeling all of the feelings. She was crying herself to sleep every night. I would help her get settled down and then I would sit down and have a few beers. What I noticed was that over the next year and half, a few beers became a lot of beers.
I was drinking more than I ever had, and it just continued to grow. I knew my drinking was becoming a problem. Both of my parents were alcoholics. And I have a sister that’s a little bit younger than me and she has really struggled with alcoholism and thankfully she quit about four years ago and things have been better for her.
So I knew the family history, and I’d monitored it forever, but now I was so in my grief, I didn’t want to feel the loss of Hallie. I didn’t want to feel the loss of our perfect family. I didn’t want to feel the loss of my wife who is a completely different person now that she has lost Hallie.
John: You’ve said something really key. Gabor Maté, who’s kind of like the godfather of addiction in the literature world, says addiction is always about the pain you’re trying to avoid. You were trying to avoid the feelings of loss from your capital ‘T’ trauma, but there can also be things you don’t want to feel from small ‘t’ trauma. It doesn’t have to be from the loss of a family member. It can be like any kind of loss.
Aric: I remember telling friends during this time where I’m still drinking, I am as lonely as I’ve ever been. I would go to lunch with people and just feel so lonely. I would go home to a wife and family, but they’re all grieving in their own way, and it just felt so lonely.
I realized that I was on a train track, and I knew that the crash was coming. I’m either going to get a DUI or say something to someone that is irreparable. I’m going to make some kind of devastating mistake. It was not sustainable.
Shay: I knew you guys were hurting. I remember you saying that you were lonely. But at the same time, you were outwardly pretty high-functioning. You were doing well in your job. Everything looked normal on the outside given what you had been through. Did that play a part in you continuing to drink?
Aric: At that point I had been drinking for about 25 years of my life, and it just seemed like the easy way to not feel anything when things were hard. I got good at functioning with a hangover. I remember Sunday mornings being in church feeling miserable and thinking, “Lord, you must be so ashamed of me right now.”
When we were almost two years into losing Hallie, our marriage wasn’t in a great place. We were not communicating well. Angie didn’t think I had a problem. She was going to bed early and then I would drink.
Then we got into an argument that was completely my fault. That helped me realize a couple of things. First, there’s only one person in this that can actually make it better, and that’s me, because I’m the one that’s drinking.
Second, I had been keeping Jesus at bay for a really long time. I did want a relationship with him. But I didn’t want to give him all of myself because if I did that, if I really committed to him, I had to take away the substance that protected me from all the fears and feelings inside me.
It reached a point where I knew I had to name what I was dealing with. That was scary for me to do with my therapist first. And then to my wife, who really didn’t think I had a problem. I was able to name it and get together with Christian friends for support, and now I am 13 months sober.
I do believe that it’s possible to wisely use alcohol. But for me to be the best version of myself, for my wife, my kids, and people that I’m around, this was the smart decision when I decided to quit drinking. I knew God was telling me I would lose my family if I didn’t get this under control.
John: One thing we’ve talked about is that you’re not fully comfortable saying, “I’m an alcoholic,” and yet you’re throwing that term around.
Aric: I’ve gone alcohol-free, and initially I didn’t want that label. But it was obvious to me where this was all going. I would wake up, and I was excited to have another drink, and there was the weight gain, and the fact that I was starting to not remember conversations with people, that was a problem.
Shay: Aric, God is doing something in your life and you’re finding joy there. Let me ask you a very practical question. Just because this transformation is happening, doesn’t mean that temptation ends, right? How do you get through that?
Aric: I’m going to kill two birds with one stone by telling you how I deal with temptation and also how I’ve found connection and community.
I find that cravings typically last for 10-15 minutes, and if you can find something to do for that time, you can surf the cravings. For me, I decided to go for walks. Walking became a form of community and accountability. I even started a blog, Miles for Him, connecting with men to walk and discuss faith, family, or sobriety. I’ve asked men to go for walks with me instead of meeting for coffee, and in about an hour we can walk three miles and have a great conversation.
Shay: While some people might say you’ve traded one addiction for another, it’s not the same at all. Because if this is helping you stay sober, that’s good. And that is a positive thing.
Aric: Just the fact that I’ve been able to build community with other like-minded men has been fantastic. As I said at the beginning, I am a sinner, and I’ve been addicted to bad things in my life, right? I much prefer healthy addictions. Looking back, I can see how I used alcohol to check out of life.
John: I’ve learned that ‘escape’—what we call dissociation—can be healthy or unhealthy. It’s healthy when you take a break to rest and come back refreshed. But it’s unhealthy when you use it to avoid life, when you don’t really want to come back.
Aric: I was using alcohol to dissociate in an unhealthy way. In fact, there was a time when I honestly wanted someone to tell me, “You need to quit.” Nobody did. Everyone said, “You’re fine, it’s just beer.” But deep down, I knew. And ultimately, no one could convince me to stop. It had to come from me—and from God.
John: That’s why I don’t tell people, “You have to quit drinking.” I think the best place to start is just to ask, “God, what do you think about my drinking?” That’s a hard question, but it’s the right one. Jesus may want you to get alcohol out of the way so that you can commune with him more deeply.
I think the best place to start is just to ask, “God, what do you think about my drinking?” That’s a hard question, but it’s the right one.
Shay: Aric, thank you for being on the show and for being so open and honest about your story.
Recommended Resources:
Blended, Blessed, and Always a Mess - join Aric & Angie as they navigate grief and the challenges of a blended family
Miles for Him - follow Aric on his journey of sobriety, faith, and friendship
Relationship Red Flags - listen in to this With You in the Weeds episode where Angie shares Hallie’s story with Lynn and gives insight into relationship warning signs