Are You Addicted to Your Phone?
Screen addiction impacts everyone
You probably don’t mean to live glued to your phone, but the truth is, you may fall asleep to a glowing screen and wake up each morning by scrolling.
In today’s episode of our Dealing with Your Addictions series, Austin sits down with Luke Simon, co-director of student ministry at The Crossing, for a raw, insightful look at phone addiction: how it develops, what it costs you, and how anchoring yourself in offline relationships and activities will fill your longings in ways screens never can.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
How today’s nonstop content reshapes your attention and emotions
What makes teens especially vulnerable to screen addiction
Why detoxing from your phone creates space for real growth
Practical guidance for limiting kids’ screen time and helping them cultivate real-life relationships
This is an honest, hopeful interview about reclaiming your attention, your spiritual life, and your humanity in the digital age.
Highlights of Austin & Luke’s Conversation
Austin: I’ve got some questions for you. How often do you wake up and get in front of your phone right away? Does your tablet or phone put you to bed at night?
How often do you check your email and text messages? How much time do you spend scrolling Instagram or TikTok? How many times do you look at your phone throughout the day? If you haven’t guessed by now, today’s episode is all about screen addiction, specifically phones.
Screen addiction is fairly recent, due to the creation of smartphones, access to high-speed internet, the proliferation of streaming services, and all of the social media sites that occupy our attention. As an elder millennial, I’m a ‘digital immigrant’. That means I spent the first part of my life without internet or smartphones.
We thought it would be great to bring on a ‘digital native’ to give us insight about screens, phones, and the digital landscape. Today we’re joined by Luke Simon. Luke, can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Luke: Thanks, Austin. I’m 23 years old. I attend and work at The Crossing just like you, Austin. I’ve recently been hired to be co-director of the student ministry here. I was working in the digital space at our church before that. I’m also a part-time online seminary student at Covenant Seminary in St. Louis. I’ve been DJ’ing weddings for five years. And married just over two years.
Austin: You’re wise beyond your years. And we’re glad you’re here! Let’s talk about the nature of the digital landscape. What are the most common phone apps or games that people are connected to?
Luke: There are always new ones. But some are staples, like Instagram. It’s like a younger person’s Facebook because it’s owned by the same company, Meta. YouTube is huge, probably bigger than when I was in high school. They’ve made it easier to watch on your phone, there are longer videos, and shorts, which are like Instagram reels. And of course there’s TikTok, which originated as an app for people to make short videos of themselves lip-syncing songs.
Austin: The book Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt has helped me understand the nature of the digital landscape and phone addiction. He shares four significant cultural factors that have created this digital landscape that we’re in: 1) High-speed internet access. 2) The creation of Facebook. 3) The “like” button and 4) Front-facing cameras on phones.
In 2011, 77% of teens in the U.S. had a phone, but only 23% had a smartphone. Five years later in 2016, 79% of teens owned a smartphone. That’s a 55% jump. In 2015, teenagers were spending seven hours a day of leisure time on screens and social media and 25% of teenagers said they were online almost constantly.
Seven years later, 46% said they were online almost constantly. When Facebook bought Instagram, and most people got front-facing cameras on their phones, Instagram users went from 10 million to 90 million in just two years.
The author of this book calls the time period from 2010 to 2015 “the great re-wiring” because, and this is a quote from him, “Social patterns, role models, emotions, physical activity, and sleep patterns are fundamentally recast for adolescence over the course of just five years.”
In adolescence, your brain is pruning—getting rid of old frameworks it doesn’t need anymore. And the speed of the connections in your brain is increasing. That’s a good thing. But now you have access to all the information possible on the internet. Every day you’re seeing short, quick videos, reels, and memes. That means an adolescent can get addicted even more quickly than an adult.
I asked ChatGPT what digital addiction was, and it gave me this definition:
Compulsive or excessive use of digital devices, phones, computers, tablets, gaming consoles, that interfere with daily life, relationships, sleep, and overall well-being. This addiction can include the overuse of social media, video games, internet browsing, streaming, and more. The brain’s dopamine reward system often reinforces the cycle, making it hard for individuals to limit their screen time.
So let me ask you a question, Luke. Would you say that you’ve been addicted to your phone? And if so, how did you know?
Luke: Yes, I have definitely been addicted to my phone. I would say I’m a recovering phonaholic. When I was a senior in high school. I realized that it was a real problem when I tried to delete all the apps. But I felt anxious and I would always get back on because I had a fear of missing out. I was worried that if I got offline, my friends would leave me behind.
Eventually I realized that I needed to cut it out of my life. So I deleted all social media. I put my phone on airplane mode unless I needed internet. At that time, I was a senior in high school, so I didn’t have big commitments. I didn’t have kids who needed to text me. I didn’t even have a girlfriend at the time.
The most important thing for me was that I would leave my phone in my car when I’d go into classes for the school day. I’d also leave my phone in the car when I’d go to hang out with my friends. That way, I’d have a physical separation between me and the phone. That’s scary for a lot of people. There’s a feeling that if anyone needs you, or if you get into an uncomfortable moment, you have your phone. It’s about control.
Austin: What strikes me is you became a lot more conscious and intentional about your phone usage. What were the spiritual implications for you when you were addicted to your phone? And what changed once you detoxed?
Luke: The big thing for me was separating my real self, Luke Simon, who could be up or down depending on the day, from my online persona, Luke 3 Simon, who was all thumbs up and smiles all the time. He was always having a blast with his friends and everything.
Luke Simon wanted the good life, wanted to feel like he was thriving in his life. But Luke 3 Simon already had that. That made it hard for me to be honest with myself about where I was in my life because I had an escape hatch in my hand.
In order to break free, I had to create ways to make it hard to be on my phone. But I also had to work on myself. Before I’d go into school, I’d show up 10 or 15 minutes before classes started. Instead of being on my phone, I might listen to a 10-minute Bible podcast.
I had this mini pocket Bible, and I would open up and read a Psalm. When I would feel stress or anxiety, I knew I could turn to God’s word to find identity and purpose instead of turning to my phone. I had to start new habits to replace old ones. I needed to be formed into a child of God.
When I would feel stress or anxiety, I knew I could turn to God’s word to find identity and purpose instead of turning to my phone. I had to start new habits to replace old ones. I needed to be formed into a child of God.
Austin: I appreciate your honesty. I’m so glad that you can articulate this; you are becoming a child of God and doing all these things in real life, leaning into and accepting what’s always been true of you.
Here’s another different question. Did Jesus convict you of anything? You’ve got the real Luke Simon, sad, depressed, lonely. You got online Luke 3 Simon, doing great, confident. Was there any sort of conviction?
Luke: I think the biggest thing I noticed was spiritual apathy. Because what my phone did is made me numb to everything. I’m starting to wonder if the reason the younger generation, Gen Z, are coming back to faith, coming back to Christianity, specifically evangelical spaces as well as ancient religions like Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy, are because they are distinctly supernatural.
We’ve grown up with so much dopamine, and our lives are dull. We’re always on our phones and we’re hardly human anymore. But it’s ironic because dopamine is supposed to be a reward drug. And it’s almost like we’ve reached the end of what dopamine can actually bring to us, because we are drowning in dopamine.
Austin: Dopamine isn’t supposed to be constant. It comes in seasons, like the weather. But the digital landscape is training us that it’s got to be sunny and bright all the time. So the urge to detox, and the attraction to faiths that are embodied and physical, is giving Gen Z a tangible taste of the world beyond phones.
Luke: When I was trying to get off my phone, I had this expectation that once I did, everything was going to be rosy and rainbows and butterflies. The phone’s the bad guy. If I just get off the phone, then everything’s going to be great. I won’t be addicted anymore. But it’s a little more nuanced.
Austin: When you get off your phone, you’re going to have to engage with reality more. And the real world is broken. There are things that aren’t great. You’re going to have to face your sin, your struggles, your loneliness, and your anxiety. But that’s where God meets you. And where you learn to have empathy. Question, what do parents of teens need to know about phones?
Luke: I would advise parents to have curious, not judgmental, conversations with their kids about what they’re viewing on their phones. The first time you have this conversation it might not go well. But keep the conversation going. And there are apps that you can install on your kids’ phones to control what they see. They might resist that. But it’s important to give them limits and boundaries.
Last but most important, make sure that your kids are involved in church and have in-person relationships, meaningful relationships in the church community. That way you know that the phone is not the only thing shaping your kids. So you can have a little peace knowing that God will work through the people in your child’s life.
Austin: What about parents of young kids who don’t have phones yet?
Luke: One option when they reach middle school is a phone without internet access but where they can text and call. I wouldn’t give them a smartphone until age 16. They may have to wrestle a little bit with feeling left out but that’s where it becomes so important for them to have real-life relationships.
Austin: As we close, was there one promise from Jesus that helped you as you quit your smartphone?
Luke: This verse from Matthew 11, “Come to me all you who are weary and I will give you rest.” That’s been a huge promise for me because on my phone, I feel wired and anxious, so when I unplug and accept that I’m here with God, I take a deep breath and trust that Jesus is with me even when I’m not online and connected.
Austin: Thank you for being with us, Luke! It’s been great to talk to you.
Recommended Resources:
The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt
The Anxious Generation - website and resources
Qustodio: The all-in-one parental control and digital wellbeing solution
Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving from the With You in the Weeds team! We are so grateful for all of you. “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever.”