How Did I Get Addicted to Porn?

It's time to face your hidden struggle

This is a battle that the enemy of your soul loves to keep in the dark.

But we’d like to bring it out into the light—and provide hope for anyone who is caught in the trap of porn addiction.

In this episode of our ongoing series, Dealing with Your Addictions, John and Austin unpack the reasons why so many people get hooked—and how understanding the roots of it can be the first step toward freedom.

Listen in as they talk about:

• Why this topic is so important and can’t be ignored

• The accessibility and depravity of online sexual content

• 5 reasons that you may find yourself addicted to porn

• An important bonus episode coming out this Friday

• 2 takeaways as you begin to seek healing

When you understand the factors around porn addiction, you’re in a better place to figure out how to take steps that will lead to freedom—which you’ll hear more about in next week’s episode.

Understanding the Grip of Porn Addiction

We don’t always open in prayer, but we know that this topic is a place where Satan is hard at work to entrap and destroy, so we want to ask the Lord for clarity and confidence, and that people who need to hear this would find our podcast and website. Not for our own notoriety, but to bring about repentance, freedom and healing. We pray this in Jesus’ name, Amen.

This is a very important topic, so similar to our alcoholism mini-series, we are doing 2.5 episodes on pornography addiction. Today we’ll look into how people get addicted and why it continues to be a problem. On Friday we’ll have a short bonus episode on the connection between abuse and porn addiction. Next week, we’ll discuss what recovery looks like and specific steps you can take to have freedom from the grip of porn.

When we say pornography addiction we’re talking about people who have an extreme compulsion. This includes watching for long stretches of time; watching multiple times a day; feel helpless and out of control; in a very addictive and destructive cycle. But we’re also talking about people who watch for 5-10 minutes every couple of weeks; or people who have long stretches of sobriety but then go on a ‘bender’ where they binge for 3-4 days straight.

In the past, porn was thought of as an almost completely male-centered problem. But in today’s world, both men and women struggle with pornography, even though they watch for different reasons. A fast-growing group of porn consumers are teen girls. And we also see data from 2020 showing that men—especially teenage boys—are at risk for viewing pornography for long stretches of time.

Years ago, Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart was asked to define obscene content (what we call porn today) and he said, “I’m not exactly sure how to define it. I just know it when I see it.” When we say pornography, we’re not just talking about explicit pornographic content. We’re also talking about nudity and sex scenes that are on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and shows on Netflix, Amazon Prime and other streaming services.

5 Reasons You May Become Addicted to Porn

Getting addicted to porn doesn’t happen by accident. There are reasons why you find it and reasons why you seek it.

1. Your caregivers introduced you to it. Children mimic their caregivers and want to do the same things that their caregivers do. If you saw porn around the house, or being watched on TV or a computer, you may have assumed that’s what everyone does and watches. If your caregivers didn’t teach you about healthy sexuality, you may grow up thinking that sex is just about pleasure and that all sexual activity is permissible.

2. Your peers introduced you to it. ‘Peers’ can mean your friends, but it could also just be others who were around your age; maybe classmates, or kids in your neighborhood. Puberty is a time of high sexual curiosity. If kids don’t hear about God’s plan for sex from parents, they will seek answers from friends and peers.

I (Austin) heard the word “porn” from a kid in 7^th grade. I asked what it was and there was an awkward silence followed by a lot of snickering. That day I went home and searched for it on our dial-up internet. So my first exposure was because a peer introduced it to me.

3. You’re isolated. If you are not receiving the 4 S’s from people in your life (feeling seen, secure, safe, soothed), you may be lonely, ashamed, isolated, and vulnerable to porn addiction.

4. The digital landscape. In the book Decoding Boys, Cara Natterson talks about the prevalence of pornography on the internet. She cites the findings of Gail Dynes, a professor of sociology and women’s studies and self-proclaimed ‘porn expert’.

Here’s what Gail found as of 2020 (the stats are likely higher now):

• 35% of all internet downloads are pornographic

• 25% of all search engine requests are pornography related

• At the end of 2018, Pornhub drew 92 million visitors per day worldwide

• Half of all 11-year-olds have seen porn online

• 90% of boys 18-and-under and 60% of girls 18-and-under have seen porn

In addition, the pornography that is available online is different than what was shown in magazines and films in the 1970s, 80s, 90s. Today’s porn features a parade of people engaging in sex acts that are often aggressive and violent, especially towards women. Since porn lacks commitment, morality, consent, and connection, young people may conclude that those things aren’t necessary to a healthy, happy sex life.

5. Your neurobiology. When you’re aroused, your brain is awash with chemicals designed to put your logical, ‘adult’ cognitive thinking abilities on the back burner. This is why, when you’re in the middle of a porn binge, part of your brain says, “This is wrong, I need to stop”, but another part says, “But I’m not going to!” Porn hijacks your God-given sex drive, provides a hit of dopamine, and keeps you wanting more.

Another factor that can lead to porn addiction is having experienced sexual abuse. We don’t have the time to get into that now, but because it’s so important, we’re putting out a bonus mini-episode on Friday to explain that connection.

Why Do People Stay Addicted?

Porn meets some deep, important, valid longings in an illicit way. It can:

• Help you cope with the trials of life

• Relieve stress and tension

• Fill the void if you lack meaning from your job, family, and life

• Make you feel powerful and in control

• Bring you physiological and physical pleasure

• Seem to fulfill your need to be seen, safe, secure, and soothed

• Give you something to do if you’re bored or your spouse is sexually unavailable

While we’ll be spending an entire episode next week on how to break free, we do want to leave you with two takeaways:

1. Pray. If you’re overwhelmed by your own addiction, or your spouse’s addiction; if you’re feeling stuck and hopeless, begin to pray.

Philippians 4:6 says, “In everything, by prayer and supplication, present your requests to God.” 1 Peter 5:7 tells us, “Cast all your anxieties on God, because he cares for you.” There is more to do than pray, but there is not LESS to do than pray. It is foundational.

Beginning with prayer could be as simple as saying, “God, I don’t know what to say, but I agree with you. I have a problem. I need help.” God hears and he listens, and he gives grace to the humble.

2. Deal with and process your own addiction. Find a mentor or trusted friend or counselor to share your own story. If you are a parent or caregiver who is faced with talking to your kids about porn, but you haven’t come to terms with your own past or your present temptations, you need to start by working on yourself.

Remember to listen in on Friday as we cover the connection between childhood abuse and pornography addiction, as well as next week when we talk about breaking free. We’re with you on every step of this journey.