How to Respond When Your Pastor Fails
Faith in Jesus, not humans
When news breaks that a pastor or church leader has fallen into serious sin, the ripple effects travel far beyond the individual. People who once felt spiritually safe may suddenly feel confused, angry, or grieved. Questions surface quickly: How could this happen? Did I miss the warning signs? What does this mean for my faith?
In this thoughtful installment of our ongoing series, How to Handle Life, Lynn and Shay discuss the many and varied responsibilities of ministry, the complicated dynamics that many pastors face as they gain success and notoriety, and how Christian leaders can benefit from personal therapy and soul work.
They’ll also talk about 5 ways to respond when your pastor fails, including acknowledging your feelings and seeking support, exercising discernment about who you follow, and remembering that God’s work through the church cannot be thwarted even through imperfect people.
Lynn brings the unique perspective of being both a pastor’s daughter and a pastor’s wife, along with insights from her counseling research on the splitting that can happen when leaders present a façade of spirituality while concealing unhealed pain and ongoing sin. Shay, having served in Christian ministry for more than 30 years, speaks from the pastor’s side of the table, sharing openly about the real challenges of life and leadership in ministry.
If you’ve ever wrestled with the fact that spiritual leaders are capable of great good but also serious failure, you’ll want to listen in as Lynn and Shay acknowledge the pain of pastoral failure while helping you re-center your faith on Christ.
Highlights of Lynn & Shay’s Conversation
Lynn: There are few things more disorienting for a church community than watching a trusted pastor fall. It can shake your confidence, stir up powerful feelings of grief and anger, and even make you doubt your faith. Even if you have never been faced with your own pastor’s failures, there are many public failures of Christian leaders, pastors, and organizations that can shake your faith foundation.
Today, we want to thoughtfully explore why these failures happen, what they reveal about the human heart, and how Christians can respond in a way that shows both truth and grace. Shay, as the resident pastor for WYITW, can you share a bit about your view of pastoral ministry and the responsibilities that come with it?
Shay: Let me start with the premise that godly leadership really is important to the health of a church and the body of Christ. I’ve talked with people who were in churches where the pastor committed grievous sin and it caused them to walk away from the faith for a long time. When we hear stories of hypocrisy and moral failure, we are rightfully hurt and at times wonder, is the Christian faith even true?
Lynn: Shay, I’ve told you this for years, but after growing up in the church, I think that when someone wants to be in full-time ministry, they should be required to go through their own therapy process because there are underlying issues that have never been addressed that play out when a person is in a position of power and influence over others.
Shay: I think you’re right, Lynn. Most pastors are serving their churches faithfully, day in day out, sometimes under difficult circumstances. Most of them want to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant” on the day of judgment. But even after someone is saved, they are not sanctified. That’s a lifelong process. If you have narcissistic tendencies or control issues, and you lead a church, those sinful tendencies will carry over into your ministry.
Lynn: Shay, is it fair to say that when you went into ministry straight out of college, there were things in your life and your childhood that you hadn’t addressed at the age of 22, and it’s been a process of you recognizing and working through those things?
Shay: Yes, that’s totally fair. I’ve grown in wisdom, theology, and matured over time as I’ve developed a philosophy of ministry. But that has taken years of character development through some painful lessons. And even doing this podcast with a team of counselors has helped me understand what it means that I have the traits of an adult child of an alcoholic because of how I grew up. It’s taken me time to acknowledge that and deal with them.
The Inner Life of a Pastor
Lynn: There is a collective, guttural groan felt among God’s people when a pastor or other Christian leader’s shameful behavior is exposed. We wonder how someone who knows so much, studied the Bible for so long, and served God with such passion could engage in blatant self-destructive behavior to the point of disqualifying themselves for ministry. Failure in ministry forces us to look at issues of pride, idolatry and ultimately the capacity of the human heart for duplicity and self-deception.
Failure in ministry forces us to look at issues of pride, idolatry and ultimately the capacity of the human heart for duplicity and self-deception.
Shay: Pastors are ordinary human beings. We often struggle with the very same sins that people in our church struggle with. Sometimes you may feel self-righteous when you think about a pastor’s downfall, almost believing that you aren’t susceptible to the same sins. That’s where humility plays an important role.
Even though pastors are ordinary people, we get tasked to do divine, extraordinary things. We preach and teach God’s word. We disciple people and equip them for acts of service. We’re there for special moments in people’s lives, like the birth of a child and the death of a loved one. But ultimately your pastor isn’t your savior, they’re a flawed human being.
Lynn: The more skilled a pastor is, the more aware they need to be of their vulnerabilities and weaknesses. They’re going to gain followers and receive praise. And, if they’re elevated to a position of leadership before their character has been tested, they are going to be tempted by success.
Shay: The praise of others can be a dangerous thing, because it can fan the flames of pride and open the door of the heart’s capacity for self-deception. A pastor can begin to think, “The growth, the success, is all happening because of ME.” Then the ego can take over.
Lynn: Every pastor arrives in ministry already shaped by their family of origin, their wounds, their unmet longings, and their insecurities. When pastors don’t feel like they can be honest about their struggles, they develop a “manager” part—a well-trained public persona that says the right things, preaches compellingly, and appears spiritually mature—while unaddressed pain or sin keeps quietly accumulating underneath.
The lonelier and more isolated a pastor becomes, the more that hidden world is at risk of blowing everything apart. I’ve long believed that requiring some form of personal therapy or soul work as part of ministry isn’t a luxury; it’s a form of protection, for the pastor and for the people they serve. It’s just as important as learning Greek and Hebrew in seminary.
Shay: That’s why the Apostle Paul tells Timothy to do two things: “Watch your life and your doctrine closely.” Pastors must guard church doctrine from outside threats but also guard the church from their own sin. There’s also a spectrum of severity when it comes to a pastor’s failures. A pastor who struggles with the sins of pride or anger but is making effort to address those issues is different from a pastor who has an affair, enables abuse, or commits crimes.
Lynn: That’s helpful background on what it’s like to be a pastor and the complicated reasons why pastors fall into serious sin. But what we’d like to do now is focus on you, the person in the congregation who has attended faithfully, prayed for your pastor, trusted in church leadership, tried to maintain realistic expectations, and yet been deeply hurt, or even betrayed by the sinful actions of a church leader or pastor.
What are you to do, think, and feel when this happens?
5 Responses to Your Pastor’s Failures
1. Acknowledge your feelings of loss and betrayal and allow yourself to grieve. You were not wrong to expect your pastor to be upright, honest, and godly. Seek support from a seasoned spiritual mentor, Christian counselor, or trusted friends as you process your grief and heal. Stepping away from your church and seeking spiritual nourishment from other sources for a time might be helpful.
You may need to engage legal counsel or pursue an outside authority to examine what has happened in your specific situation if there’s been criminal action. Seeking justice and accountability is appropriate.
2. Remind yourself that your faith is in God, his Word, and his promises, not in people. God has chosen to do his work here on earth through sinful humans. That means that no church leader or pastor is perfect. But it doesn’t mean that the gospel isn’t still true. Separate God’s holiness from people’s flaws and place your ultimate hope in Christ.
3. Be discerning about who you follow. We live in a celebrity culture where it’s easy to get drawn into bright, shiny, well-spoken leaders, authors, and teachers and ignore red flags. Be careful who you trust. Don’t be quick to jump on someone’s bandwagon. Even when you exercise discernment, you can still get it wrong—but you will always be able to depend on Jesus.
4. Beware of religious leaders who don’t have any accountability. There are many popular leaders that do not operate within an accountability structure. They consolidate power and insulate themselves from anyone who can speak truth. Or they put their friends on the leadership committees so they don’t have anyone who can tell them “no”. This is a dangerous situation that is ripe for abuse of power.
5. Remember the role of the church in Christian life. God has ordained the church to be the bride of Christ, to be the place where we learn and grow and fellowship with others. It’s humbling to remember that God sometimes builds his church in spite of, not because of, church leaders.
When you join a church, you can know from the start that it is not perfect. No church is! But you can still look for a church where the leadership demonstrates a desire to follow Jesus and is genuinely seeking godliness, holiness, and humility.
When Pastors Fail, Christ Remains
Shay: The leaders who have impacted me most are those who can humble themselves, admit when they’re wrong, and ask for forgiveness. Pastors who display a teachable spirit and a desire to please God and point others to Christ. I have always prayed to be this kind of pastor, and that God raises up pastors like this to continue his church.
Lynn: When a pastor fails, it can feel like a spiritual earthquake and be very disruptive to your faith. But the failure of a shepherd does not mean the Shepherd has failed you. Jesus is not exposed by anyone’s hypocrisy. He is not diminished by anyone’s sin.
If anything, disillusionment with pastors and other Christian leaders is a reminder to fix your eyes on Jesus. You don’t have to minimize what happened, and as you process the cost of forgiveness in your life, you can be reminded that forgiveness doesn’t equate to or require reconciliation or restored trust. Our hope is that you can slowly, carefully rebuild your faith—not in a personality, but in Christ, who is faithful and true.
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