"We Listen and We Don’t Judge"
Can you handle the truth?
Ever wonder what your kids really think about your parenting? In this unforgettable episode in our ongoing series, Parenting in the Weeds, hosts Lynn and Shay hand the microphone to their own kids—Jack (25), Emma (21), and Owen (19)—for a raw, unscripted conversation.
Inspired by the viral “We Listen and We Don’t Judge” social media trend, the Roush kids open up about cherished childhood moments, from college football Saturdays with Dad to carefree cul-de-sac playtime and memorable family vacations along Lake Michigan. They also share tough times, like experiencing the stress of family health crises, tense disagreements in their teen years, and the pressures of growing up as pastor’s kids.
You’ll also hear about:
How to better understand your kids' feelings, challenges, and needs
Cultivating a parent-child relationship based on grace, forgiveness, and open communication
Encouragement to start building trust and connection with your kids
This episode is a must-listen for parents seeking to create grace-filled, open-ended conversations with their kids—no matter their age.
Highlights of “We Listen and We Don’t Judge”
Lynn: The idea for this episode was sparked by a social media trend called “We Listen and We Don’t Judge”, where kids confess things to their parents in the spirit of no judgment. Kids have been coming clean about car wrecks and sneaking out of the house, and parents are sometimes shocked or dismayed or maybe even angry to hear about things that have happened.
This trend speaks to the reality that kids fear that their mom or dad will be angry with them, judge them, or punish them, and they’ll lose the connection they have with the parent, so they end up keeping things a secret.
But what if we could cultivate a relationship with our kids that didn’t make them feel like they needed to hide things from us? Deep down, your kids really do want to connect with you. They want to be seen, heard, and known by you. So what do you think, Shay? Are we ready to jump into this?
Shay: Yeah, Lynn, I'm not so sure this was a good idea.
Lynn: I’m questioning it now! Kids, welcome to With You in the Weeds. Let's start by having you introduce yourselves.
Jack: My name is Jack Roush, I'm 25 years old, currently live in Columbia, just down the road from my parents. It's great to get to see them quite often. I’m a real estate agent here in Columbia. I married my wife Caroline just over two years ago and I’m excited to be on the podcast.
Emma: Hi, my name is Emma. I am 21 and I'm a senior at Mizzou right now, so I live in Columbia as well. I'm studying to be an ultrasound tech and I'll be graduating in May, and will probably be starting a job here soon and also moving back in with my parents so I'm glad we're having this conversation now!
Owen: I'm Owen, I'm the youngest, I'm 18, and I'm currently a freshman at Mizzou studying computer science. I’m super involved with the music at the church, and with Veritas student ministry. I play piano sometimes on Sunday mornings, so I really like being involved with the music side there and also love the math and the science side of what I'm studying at college.
Lynn: What’s your favorite childhood memory you have that you'd like to share?
Jack: It wasn't one particular moment, but really just any Saturday morning in the fall growing up, getting to wake up and watch college football with dad, and then going to the Mizzou games and tailgating.
Emma: I think my favorite memory was just how we lived on a cul-de-sac, and I feel like playing with all of our like neighborhood friends and everything that was so fun because we grew up together. It was helpful and beneficial to get to play with so many other kids in the neighborhood.
Owen: When I was younger on Saturday mornings I would always ask dad if we could go on a Starbucks runs because he and I are the only ones up early in the morning. I'd get one of those big Frappuccinos and the old-fashioned glazed donut and he'd get his black coffee, and we would sit in the Starbucks - back when they still had seating. The other kids woke up late and would be jealous that I had gotten a donut for breakfast.
Lynn: What would you say your hardest or your worst childhood memory is?
Jack: I really didn't have one dramatic event in my life growing up, which is a blessing, but when dad was having his hip surgeries, that spanned seven or eight years, maybe? That was really tough on our family, because he was in a lot of pain and mom, you had a lot of stress and anxiety, and I think that bled into us kids.
I don't want to say that it made us grow apart, but there was definitely some isolation there where there was just a lot of tension and stress and pain. There were a lot of things that I couldn't do with dad when he was recovering from his surgery.
Lynn: Yeah, I felt that same stress during that time as well. It was hard for me because like you said, I was focused on taking care of Shay as he had two total hip replacements. He was in physical pain, but as anyone knows who's dealing with someone who's going through a health crisis, it affects the rest of the family, and it was hard for me to meet everybody's needs. So that doesn't surprise me that you say that, but I'm sorry that that was rough for you and that makes a lot of sense.
Emma: I feel like mine's probably the same as Jack's. It was just a hard, unknown time. Especially as a kid, you just want a lot of attention. Not that we weren't getting attention from you guys, but our lives shifted from doing fun things with dad to him being in a lot of pain and having surgeries.
Lynn: When stress levels are high, parents are not at their best. It’s not intentional, but your body is under stress, your schedule is under stress. You're dealing with some uncertainties. That definitely affects how you're showing up for your kids.
Emma: I have another one. When our granny was losing her memory, that was really, really hard. There was stress because we didn’t know where she was going to live and how we were going to take care of her. And it was hard to see her go from someone that took care of us to someone who didn’t recognize us. It was really stressful and sad.
Shay: It's hard on parents who have to take care of their aging parents, but it’s also hard on grandchildren. When grandparents pass away, it’s probably the first person close to you that died. That’s part of living in a fallen world, but it doesn’t make it easy.
Lynn: What about you, Owen? What would you say was your hardest time?
Owen: This is definitely something that's certainly gotten a lot better since I went to college but my last two years of high school, dad and I had a rocky relationship. It was tough for us to navigate conversations sometimes. We'd get into arguments and really get emotional and upset with each other.
As I was deciding where I wanted to go to college and navigating my faith and what I believe and everything, some conversations put us at an emotional low point. But I would say that me being in town for college and getting more involved in church has made our relationship healthier.
Shay: It’s probably harder because you’re a pastor’s kid. Each of you has had to navigate your way through deciding if you really believe what the Bible and our church teaches and what we have taught you. I admit there were some conversations that I did not handle well but I think we've gotten a lot better at that, which is great. I'm noticing a trend here that a lot of the issues that you all have had to do with me!
Lynn: I’m sure I’ll take some hits down the line. Shifting gears a bit, how would you say your sibling relationships have impacted you?
Jack: We've all had seasons of ups and downs between me and Emma and me and Owen. One thing that is cool is that all three of us are very, very different. We all have different skills and strengths and weaknesses. Seeing Owen play in the band on Sunday mornings is very cool for me to watch. Owen’s in college and Emma’s wrapping up her time in college, but the fact that we’re all here in Columbia is pretty rare. It means we get to see each other quite often. And I’m thankful for that.
Emma: I agree with that. I feel like our relationships now are the best they’ve ever been. Growing up being the only girl, it's interesting to look at what my relationship with Jack was like versus Owen. Jack and I butted heads a lot growing up and he was always tough on me, but ever since he came back from college and married Caroline, I feel like our relationship is really cool and he’s in a stage of life that I aspire to be in. Let’s be honest, Caroline has been a great influence in Jack’s life!
Owen: I have had the privilege, as the youngest, of having two people who are older and wiser than I am to guide me through life. I couldn’t have asked for a better big brother, guiding me through what it’s like to enter adulthood and start making decisions for myself.
Emma and I have a great relationship where I feel like I can tell her anything. We had all these dumb little fights growing up, and now that we’re grown, we can look back at those things and laugh and realize what a close bond we have because of shared experiences.
Shay: Did you guys feel like your mom and I favored one of you over the other?
Emma: When I was going up I used to say, Jack would get the death penalty from my parents, I would get life in prison, and Owen would get away with murder!
Lynn: Our parenting changed as each of you came along. With Jack, we were more strict and by the book. By the time Owen arrived, we were like, just feed him and he’ll turn out ok.
Jack: Growing up, I played multiple sports. And there was quite a bit of pressure on me to perform – it’s understandable, because you guys were spending a lot of money and time on it. But when I was playing a game, I wasn’t really thinking about what was going on or what our team was supposed to be doing, but “What does dad think of me right now? Is he upset?” That should never be what a kid is thinking about during a game. They should be focused on having fun and doing their best for themselves, not their parents.
Shay: I think there was a point in high school where you just basically looked at me and told me to back off. And it was a turning point in our relationship. I'm glad you said that to me because my emotions were my issues, not your issues. Looking back, those are big regrets that I have. I’m sorry if I hurt any of you when it came to sports.
Emma: One thing I remember feeling in middle school and high school was that my parents just don’t understand what I’m going through. Social media really increases the fear or missing out. With my phone, I was able to see instantly if someone was hanging out without me or if I wasn’t invited to something. There were a couple of times when I was upset and I was feeling left out, and your guys’ immediate response was, “You need to get rid of your phone or delete Instagram or whatever.”
What I would tell parents is to see the generation that your kids are in. They’re going to have phones and social media. If they can’t have it at all they’re going to feel isolated. Understand how complicated their world has become.
Lynn: Jack, you had a closing thought about something you'd do when you're a parent someday, or what was that?
Jack: My advice to parents is from my own experience growing up. You guys did a great job of telling us that you love us. But it’s one thing to say, “I love you.” It’s another thing to say, “I’m proud of you”. Not just when we get all A’s or have a great game. But even when we don’t get a good grade or we’re backup on the sports team. Affirm that not only do you love your kids, but you’re proud of them and everything they’re doing.
Shay: I really appreciate you saying that, Jack. I'll just end this with a passage that reflects our heart for you kids: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and strength; and love your neighbor as yourself.” Lynn and I have never been perfect parents, but our goal is that you guys be imitators of us in our love for the Lord.
You’ll want to listen to the whole episode to hear the enlightening speed round, where confessions range from sneaky PlayStation subscriptions to a wild car incident over leftover Chinese food!