Facing Chronic Illness and Not Losing Faith

Can you have hope if the pain never ends?

Listen in: Facing Chronic Illness and Not Losing Faith

Everyone has experienced physical pain from illness, injury, or surgery. It hurts for a while and then it ends. But chronic pain is different. It doesn’t stop. It’s an unrelenting, soul-wearying pain for which there is no end in sight. If you are experiencing that kind of pain, is it still possible for you to persevere and live out God’s purpose for your life, even in the midst of suffering?

In the next episode of our ongoing series, Facing Reality and Not Losing Faith, John, Lynn, and Shay discuss the way chronic illness impacts the person who is suffering as well as the others around them. We will look at a day in the life of a person facing a chronic illness, a day in the life of a caregiver, and ways to manage your situation with acceptance and faithfulness. We hope you discover that God’s grace is sufficient even when suffering from chronic pain.

How Chronic Illness Affects Sufferers

Even when the affliction is a physical one, chronic illness impacts you in other ways: mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.

MENTALLY – You may wonder if God is punishing you for something, or whether or not you’ve done something to deserve this. If chronic pain lingers, thoughts of suicide may enter in, seeming to be the best way out of your suffering. Your mind focuses on how much you’ve lost, and you grieve. This pain is a part of your life that consumes you, and it’s with you all the time, and you can’t really talk about it. You believe there’s no hope and that your suffering will never end. You’re in survival mode, and very self-focused.

EMOTIONALLY – You may fear that God has abandoned you. You panic and have anxiety because you think this is never going to go away. You may be envious of others, and wonder why other people are doing well, while you struggle. You may feel alone, abandoned, depressed, and hopeless. You may feel like you’re in a tunnel with no way out. You can’t do things you used to do, and loved ones can’t relate to how you’re feeling. Things seem really dark and lonely.

SOCIALLY - People may be there at the beginning, but they fall away over time. It may be hard for them to watch you suffer, especially if they are unable to help. You may lose your friends or your spouse as the stress of chronic illness takes its toll on relationships. Many times chronic pain is “invisible” to others. If you bring it up, you feel like a burden. So you lie to people and tell them that you’re “fine”.

If you have a chronic illness, you will spend time and energy searching for a cure. Searching for answers, searching for a remedy, looking for “the next option,” researching, talking with doctors, getting second opinions, trying new treatments, medications, therapies, and supplements. It changes your social life because you are focused on solutions and outcomes and also you just don’t feel well. You’re often in pain, fatigued, you don’t feel or look your best, and you feel isolated.

SPIRITUALLY - The Bible says we are not only physical beings but spiritual as well. So anytime we suffer physically it affects us spiritually. We’re an integrated whole - suffering is never neutral. You never just suffer the thing you’re suffering, but you also suffer the way you handle the suffering. And how others may react to you if they do so negatively. But what you think about God, yourself, how life ought to go, and your expectations impact the way you suffer and how you manage it. Your expectations can increase your suffering.

How Chronic Illness Affects Caregivers

Even though the caregiver may not be in physical pain themselves, they are in emotional pain as they watch someone they love suffer. They are also affected mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.

MENTALLY –  Initially the caregiver thinks: “Ok, I can step up and do this, I love this person, how can I help?” But underneath the initial wave of support is the belief that this situation is temporary. When time passes and things aren’t better, you get this second wave of despair: “Is this my life now? Is this ever going to get better?” That’s when reality sets in. The surgeries or medications aren’t working, your loved one is still sick or in pain, and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight.

EMOTIONALLY – You may experience a range of emotions: anger (why is this happening to me/us?), disappointment (my life isn’t turning out the way I thought it would), and resentment (why isn’t this person getting better?). You start to pull away emotionally because it’s just so hard to watch someone you love suffer. It also feels very lonely. You’re seeing other people around you flourishing, carrying on with life without pain or challenges, and you feel envy, bitterness, and disappointment.

SOCIALLY – Caring for your loved one may be a fulltime commitment, leaving you with little or no time to eat out, meet up with friends, or even go to church or Bible study. You may feel that no one understands what you are going through. You are devoting the majority of your time and energy to your loved one. You may start to experience caregiver burnout.

SPIRITUALLY – As a caregiver you are wrestling with God at this point. You’re asking the question, WHY is this happening? You’re confronted with grieving the loss of what you had envisioned your life being. If your spouse is dealing with chronic illness, it likely started after you got married. Although there are situations where you would know going into the marriage that your spouse has a physical limitation or a diagnosis, most often, this would come as a surprise in marriage.

Shay’s Personal Story

In my forties, I experienced years of chronic pain. I had seven major hip surgeries. Daily pain changed my life. But it revealed some things in me that God wanted me to see. It revealed my pride. I took pride in my productivity and ability to handle a lot of things on my plate. Then unexpectedly comes physical pain like I’ve never dealt with before. But I didn’t just suffer physical pain, but I also suffered the death of my delusion that I thought I was pretty special – almost Superman.

Chronic pain humbled me, and I realized that my hope and dependence should have always been on God. Not on myself. I learned that Jesus needs to be my identity, and all health, productivity, and gifts we have come from God. Physical weakness demonstrates what has been true all along: we are completely dependent on God. Suffering shouldn’t surprise us, but it often does. At the end of your life, it will just be you and God. Pain introduces us to that idea early.

You Can Have Hope and Acceptance

Your hope comes from Jesus: He is with you in your suffering. When you struggle with hopelessness, you need an ally to look at you and say, “That’s okay, you can feel hopeless. I will have hope for you.” What that means is, “As messy as this gets, I will be with you through the experience.” Psalm 23 contains 53 Hebrew words. There are 26 words before “you are with me”, and 26 words after. “You are with me” is the central point of the psalm.

Suffering alone is the definition of hell. As Christians, when everyone else is pulling away from difficult situations, we are called to press in. The church is often focused on conquering the culture, advancing the kingdom, and living victoriously. This runs counter to the notion of being attentive to the brokenhearted and compassionate towards those crushed in spirit. Suffering reminds us of the reality that we are all broken and forces us to consider the hard questions of life.

In counseling, we have a type of therapy called ACT – Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Research shows that the more you try and resist and avoid pain, the more pain you feel. The ACT approach to chronic pain is choosing to accept your pain and live a valued life rather than allowing it to control you; you do this by committing to letting go of the control strategies you’ve been using to avoid pain. These strategies can include numbing out, staying home, avoiding people, giving up activities you used to enjoy, isolating, and shrinking down your life.

2 Corinthians 11:23-29 lists the many afflictions suffered by the Apostle Paul. He was imprisoned, beaten, stoned, assaulted, and lived in continual fear and danger. Without modern medical care we can only imagine that he would have been disfigured and crippled. He was traveling on ships and walking from city to city with pain and difficulty.

Just a little later in 2 Corinthians 12:6-10, he discusses his thorn in the flesh that he prayed three times to have removed. He concluded that he would have to live with it and could do so by the grace and power of Christ. Paul accepted his pain and at the same time committed to living his life in accordance with his values.

The Theology of Suffering

One of the things that chronic illness and pain reveal is what you think about God. Why do certain things happen? Where is hope and purpose and motivation to be found? The theology you carry into your times of suffering is important. Bad theology can worsen suffering.

Two examples of bad theology:

First, you may believe you are suffering because God is punishing you for sin or bad decisions you have made. But the message of the Bible is that all the guilt, shame, and punishment for our sin was poured out on Jesus on the cross. This means there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Rather, James says trials are sometimes God’s means of making us like His son Jesus.

Second, you may believe the bad theology of the prosperity gospel. It teaches that if you have enough faith, God will heal you. But you may have great faith and yet still die in your pain. Sometimes God heals miraculously; other times through doctors or medical treatments. But sometimes He allows your pain to remain so you may rejoice in your weakness and depend on His grace.

Two examples of good theology:

First, God is with you in your suffering. Hebrews 13:5 says, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” The comforting, caring God of Psalm 23 is with you in those dark moments of pain, and He loves you and cares for you. You are His child – that’s your identity. Chronic pain is not your identity. Sometimes people make it their identity. But a child of God knows their worth and value hasn’t changed, despite their suffering.

Second, suffering physically makes you long for the resurrected body that you’re going to get when Jesus comes back and makes this world new. Your suffering is temporary, even though it might not feel that way. Revelation 21 says Jesus is going to come back to wipe away every tear. He knows what you’re struggling with, and He's going to wipe away your tears. That’s how much He cares about you.

How to Manage Chronic Illness With Hope

1. Treatment - It’s wise and godly to seek everything you can that’s medically safe to reduce your pain. That’s not a moral failure. Please seek treatment, whether it’s traditional medicine or integrative medicine, for your affliction. That doesn’t mean there’s a weakness in your spirituality or a failure in your faith to do that. Mental, emotional, and spiritual healing can occur even if your physical illness isn’t resolved, so pursue a holistic approach to healing whenever possible.

2. Community - It’s important to find others who “get it” and can understand you so you don’t feel alone in your suffering.

3. Grace - Learn how to respond to those who don’t understand. Be patient with people; most aren’t intentionally trying to harm you. Show grace.

4. Faithfulness - Take each day individually. Jesus said to not be anxious about tomorrow. Accepting weakness and limitations should be a daily ritual, and you give grace to yourself when you cannot do all the things you want to do.

5. Love - Look for ways to love others even in the midst of your suffering. Keep a prayer journal and pray for others, write cards to people to encourage them, seek to be fully attentive to your kids when they're telling you a story. If you have a difficult day, reset. Tomorrow is a new day to be faithful for what God has given you that day.

If you are suffering from chronic illness or pain, or are a caregiver for someone who is, the range of feelings you have are very real. We want to validate just how hard it is to be in that situation. And we want to reiterate that there is hope in the gospel, in the fellowship of other believers, in the sacrifice of Jesus, and in the promise of the life to come. Ponder these words of Paul to the Corinthians:

 “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. Therefore we do not lose heart, though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond comparison.”